our moms are so under appreciated. it's embarrassing that there is only one [commercialized] day set aside to honor them. they deserve to be lauded constantly and publicly. they are our lifeline - literally, and then in just about all other aspects. until we die.
moms are unique creatures. they can be gentle and kind and loving, yet turn on a dime and become ferocious should someone [even act like they will] hurt their babies.
a mom is someone who will put their entire lives on hold for the sake of their children, if that is what it takes to help them become the best they can be. their lives *become* growing their children into the best versions of themselves.
if i am anything good or worthwhile, it is because of my mom and what she has taught and instilled in me. i am a product of her love, hard work, care, sacrifices, meaning and effort.
take some time today (and every day) to reflect on who you are, and how much your mom had to do with that. give her the honor and praise she is due.
and remember, you're never too old to sit on her lap or "text her when you get home," because your mother is your mother for life.
i love you mumschkie.
Mother's Day
99 ranch - 1, costco - 0
i've been working on saving some money lately, which means reducing our grocery bill, among other things. and i had an idea that an asian supermarket might help with that. so i googled it and found that people had indicated that indeed, asian supermarkets are great for saving money on your groceries, as well as eating asian! because a lot of asian meals contain rice which is not only a good-for-you, low fat dish, but is very affordable per serving.
so anyway, i had been to 99 ranch once before and was quite impressed with their prices. but today i thought i would pick up some bulk items first and then heads to 99r to supplement. turns out i shoulda just stuck with 99r to begin with.
at costco i got a watermelon for 5.99 only to find them at 99r for 3.99. and at costco i had picked up a 6-pack of mangoes for 5.49 only to find an entire case (appx 16-18 mangoes) for 4.99. whut!??!
there are many other items that 99r rocks out on, so i'm decidedly a devoted shopper there now.
additionally we had talked a few weeks ago about canceling our costco account. it didn't seem to save us enough money to make the membership worth it, and today we proved that decision correct. so that will lapse and we won't be renewing it. say goodbye to having to show your card at the door before entering and your receipt on the way out. that stuff just made me bananas anyway.
oh - speaking of bananas, i did get a good price on them at costco, but i didn't compare the prices at 99r so we will have to see what i end up paying for fruit in the next few weeks. and since my breakfasts and lunches tend to be mostly raw fruits and veggies, that's going to matter.
building new habits
yesterday I was talking to a friend of mine about good habits. I shared with him the new good habits I have been trying to make and what habits I wanted to start in the future, and he asked me how I start a good habit - what reminds me to do it until it actually becomes a habit.
one great way to help kickstart a new habit is to attach it to an already established one. like when I decided I was always going to wash dishes in the morning if there any in the sink from the night before (yes.... I do let them sit overnight sometimes!). I was already making morning smoothies for us and then to wash the blender you just fill it halfway with hot water and a drop of soap and then run it for about 30 seconds. well I was just dumping the water out when I was done and rinsing and it and on I went. then one day I thought - wait a second. I'm pouring perfectly good soapy water down the drain when I can be using it for these cups sitting here. so I attached a new habit to an existing one and I've been doing it ever since.
another great way to help start a habit that is hard to start is to do it incrementally. I've always wanted to be that person who could get up early in the morning and workout. always! and I've tried and I've tried and I've tried... and every time I have failed. because every time it was a chore and the last thing I wanted to do was a) get up early and b) workout. but I didn't see them as separate. it was a goal I was trying to achieve all at once: get-up-early-and-workout.
but then finally I started getting up at 5:30 as its own habit. I wanted more time for myself - to do Bible study, to read, to make smoothies. so I started that habit as a separate goal to accomplish. and I began to enjoy it - I was getting in some much needed me time. and I was reading the Bible and spending time in prayer. and I got used to it and just did it every morning - joyfully!
then AFTER I was established in an early morning routine and liking it, THEN I added the workout component. and it wasn't just any workout, it was running. something I learned I actually enjoy through working out at crossfit. by separating it into two separate entities it made it easier to make the leap. and I find myself on the nights before my running that I'm excited about getting up the next day!
another thing that helped was seeing the habit as a means to an end. instead of looking at it as the task of running, I was looking at it as the accomplishment of building body endurance. I started a boxing class with my brother - which I LOVE, but I couldn't (still can't) get through a whole session without stopping. so I wanted to build up my body endurance in order to last through a whole class without stopping. my boxing class is tue and thu. so I wanted to do something i could do on mon, wed and fri.
I just happened upon a couch-to-5k program that has you running/walking three days a week, building you up to where you are running more than walking and then eventually running a whole 5k. I thought - how perfect! I enjoy running and want to get better at it, and I can use that to help build endurance for my class. it became my means to an end. and focusing on the result rather than the task has completely changed how I see it and how I feel about it. mindset is a powerful thing.
so... tips to building better habits:
1. attach it to a preexisting habit
2. break it into several new habits and conquer them one at a time
3. develop a results-based mindset
and then don't give up.
4. clear your mind of can't
separate things
one of my girlfriends shared yesterday that her son was very defensive of his friend's church. whenever the subject came up he would defend rather than discuss. and i asked her if she thought he was defending his friend, that maybe he hadn't yet separated his friend from his friend's beliefs.
it got me to thinking about how we see things so simply as children: all the things about my friend combine to make up "my friend." so loving my friend means i love all things about my friend.
but as we mature we can begin to see the complexity of things, the varying facets of them: i can dislike my friend's beliefs and still love my friend. we learn that we can love our friend in spite of what we don't love about them.
there is a separation of things, and that's ok.
do marriages break up because we haven't figured that out yet?
i remember in middle school having the hugest crush on my friend's brother because he wanted to be a pastor. i admired and respected him and his passion and that he already knew God's call on his life. but i confused that admiration and respect for a crush. i implied romantical (yes, i said romantical) feelings for him even though i really just wanted to emulate the way he was living his life.
i hadn't learned yet that those were separate things.
respect and admiration for someone doesn't equate to romantical feelings. it can lead to them, but it doesn't have to. they are separate things.
i wonder if that is why many guys and girls have trouble being 'just friends.'
'simplify' has been a heart's cry for me since my first visit to uganda. we just own so much stuff! and i wanted to get rid of what i didn't use, didn't need, didn't want...! so with that simplify state of mind, i caught myself one day coveting ______ (fill in the blank with any outfit, kitchen appliance, media device...), and it dawned on me that i didn't have to own something in order to appreciate it - that those are separate things.
i could appreciate the style, design and whimsy of the new volkswagen beetle (convertible, in sunset orange) without having to have it parked in my own garage and having the car payments to go with it.
it was liberating!
makes me wonder if there are other 'separate things' i am not seeing because i'm just so used to lumping them all together and expecting a singular result or response. what else have i accepted as the way it is just because that's the way i've thought it's always been?
it makes me want to open my eyes and think and examen.
what else are separate things?
The girl in the turquoise dress
two years ago i visited uganda for the first time. we visited IDP camps in and around gulu before settling in at the village of hope where we taught ESL, Bible stories and songs and got to know some of the most amazing kids ever.
at the camps the children would greet us and sing, perform a small dramatic piece or recite scripture. then our team would introduce ourselves, sing a few songs back for them and then, my favorite part, just get to know the kids while taking pictures or teaching them our songs.
it amazed me that these children, dirty and in ragged clothes, many of them without shoes, could be so joyful, praising and worshipping and genuinely happy to see us. i know many children at home who are bitter complainers, who aren't joyful even in their [embarrassing] abundance. and so this was a shock. and a delight. it was bittersweet.
at the very last camp we visited i spotted her - the girl in the turquoise dress. her smile and sweet shyness drew me in. i don't know what it was about her that captured me above all the rest of the children i had met that day, but i took the image of that girl back to gulu with me. while the rest of my mission team played bananagrams, i sequestered myself in my room to journal about what i had seen, how i was moved, and to of course bawl my eyes out in private.
a little of what i wrote that day...
that girl. the one in the turquoise dress. she seized me. i am drawn into her and want for her - with a kind of desperation - her joy, her childhood, her success. may she know she is special and loved and unique and dear. may she look to You and say, You bless me with your love, You are the giver of life and all things good. it is You and You alone that sends kindness into the world. may she be captured by You, hope-fully devoted to you! give her You, Lord, all of You.
may the VOH kids recognize Your love in our smiles, Your sacrifice and strength in our presence and embrace. may they see You in their presence through our goofy attempts to care and relate. may You and You alone receive the glory, the fame, the accolades.
just a few weeks ago we returned from another amazing trip to the village of hope in uganda. and we took a day to visit what is left of the camps in gulu, to see the children who are still there.
and i saw her.
the girl.
she wasn't wearing a turquoise dress anymore. if she didn't outgrow it, it must have fallen apart. but what she wore was still ragged and she was still dirty, and many of the children still weren't wearing shoes.
she seized me. again.
two years. it had been two years since i'd seen her last and she was still there. TWO YEARS - that i know of! possibly more! every day for the past two years she has woken up in the camps that her acholi people had no choice but to move to, and now they are being forced out of. they are being asked to leave and at some point an eviction notice (aka a burned down hut) will turn them out onto the streets or into the bush.
every day she risks eviction. every day she fetches water and cooks her meals. she may even be the head of her family, bearing the burden of caring for younger siblings, it wouldn't be unusual. every day she walks to school, perhaps with a fear that she will be jumped or raped. every day. for two years.
what must that feel like to a child? because even as an adult it is hard to imagine.
the sun had set while we were at that camp, so we piled into the van and headed back to the village. it was a long ride in the dark - darkness i was thankful for as it concealed the tears of grief from the rest of my team. i couldn't even speak. my heart was surely breaking.
"what's it going to take?" i kept asking. what will it take to get those kids out of the camps and into the village where they will be safe from all of that? where they will have a house mom and aunties to look after them? where they will no longer have to be concerned about their own safety and they can finally be a kid, because that is what they are - kids! children! babies!
so what's it going to take?
the village of hope has already built homes and moved in almost 200 children. and they have two more homes funded, but they cannot move more children in until they have the money to provide for them.
i believe child sponsorship is key to getting those kids out of the camps and into the village. and voh already has a program in place for this - they just need people to give, they need people to sponsor a child.
what's it going to take? something that we already have - we just choose to spend it at kohl's or starbucks or 7-eleven. these kids wake up in the camps every day and we shake our heads and say *tsk tsk, how tragic* and take another drink of our slurpee.
i just can't live an unaffected life anymore. and i hope you can't either.
sponsor a child.
give them something we don't even have to think about in our own lives: a safe, loving home, food, clothing, education and medical attention.
what's it going to take?
maybe it's going to take you.
by the way, the girl? the one in the turquoise dress? ...her name is susan.
10,000 hours of evil
yesterday i was in jeremiah for my daily reading. chapter 4, verse 22 says,
"For my people are foolish;
they know me not;
they are stupid children;
they have no understanding.
They are 'wise'—in doing evil!
But how to do good they know not." (Jeremiah 4:22 ESV)
wise in doing evil. ouch.
i read this book called outliers that said research shows that in order to become an expert in something - like the unusual genius kind - you have to put in at least 10,000 hours into it. that somehow that is the magic number - that much time - is what separates the 'greats' from the rest of us. all the 'greats' have put in the time, from musicians to athletes to software engineers.
and in order to put 10,000 hours into something, i would think your life would show it. like - you would appear obsessed to others. they would see you pouring so much time into something and be like - dude, get a life.
so when i saw where it said they are wise in doing evil, i thought, hmmmm. i wonder if they are so wise in it because they have spent so much time in it. i wonder if they have spent 10,000 hours doing evil and that is how they know it so well in order to be wise in it.
and i thought about my own life. as of today i have lived 14,942 days. that's 358,608 hours. out of those let's say i was awake for 239,072 of them (figuring i slept 8 hours every night).
239,072 hours is plenty of time to put in 10,000 hours of evil (sinning). i am certain i have. does that make mean i am an expert at it? i've put in the time!
my prayer then, is to reverse that horrible damage... to put in the time to become an expert in obedience to God. i want to be wise in righteousness, not in evil.
that means i gotta put in the time, log in those hours. i can't just stuff a prayer into my 15 minute commute every day and say, i'm radically following Christ. no... there's a commitment that is deeper than just living the way we want under the title of Christian.
Father, may i be willing to always put you first over other things that demand my attention and focus. may i pour out myself for you - give you my time, my thoughts, my life. may i learn You and your ways so much that people thing - dang girl, get a life. and i pray they would know that You - YOU! - are my life.
the brightest reflection
this morning i was reading in acts 19 where it talks about God doing miracles through paul, so much so that in verse 12 it says that,
even handkerchiefs or aprons that had touched his skin were carried away to the sick, and their diseases left them and the evil spirits came out of them
sometimes i get crazy amazed and filled with wonder all over again when i see a bright moon shining down, alighting the night. my husband probably gets tired of hearing me say, "isn't that amazing?.. that's the SUN making that moon so bright. it's because of the sun's light reflecting off that moon that gives us light in the night. isn't that amazing?!?" he's heard me say it at least 50 times.
well, when i read that verse about paul, i thought. wow - that blows me away, that God is THAT powerful, he is THAT miraculous that his power and healing are reflecting off paul and lighting the darkness around him. so much so that people don't even have to come into contact with him, only with things that he's touched!!!
it's like God is the sun reflecting off the paul-moon. and then paul becomes a sun himself, reflecting off all the things he touches that get carried to others who get healed by them. a reflection of a reflection. God is THAT bright that his power is still healing after two iterations of reflections.
doesn't that kinda blow your mind?
and we get to participate. we get to reflect Him.
hunh. pretty rockin'
my portion
i woke up this morning to a scripture my cousin texted me. it's in psalm 73:26
my flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever
and it got me to thinking - what is a portion, really?
i asked God to help me understand what that really means and i started looking through some commentaries on logos bible (great resource!) and to sum it up they basically refer to God being our inheritance. our FULL inheritance. that he is the portion of what we will receive. but don't worry - you'll get plenty! this isn't some weight watcher's portion. you are getting the almighty, holy, dangerous, beautiful God of the universe as your portion. that's a portion that won't fit on your plate!!
he is our daily supply. he is sufficient for anything we might need. he covers it... and then he overflows it. we get ALL of him (not only his grace, not only his love or his promises. we get Jehovah himself!) and he is ALL our portion (within the circle of all that we possess or desire, there is none but him. he isn't just part of my portion, he is my portion). he holds nothing back and we need nothing else.
some others may have their portion elsewhere - in their money, their success, their children, their dreams... but when we have God, in him we have more than any of that can give us. there are griefs in this world deeper than any money can alleviate. but God!... oh he is more than what we need when we hurt or grieve or weary or run. he is more than enough.
when we declare that the Lord is our Lord, we really should continue to keep that in mind and take comfort of it. and live up to it.
yesterday in cgroup, my dear friend lynde challenged us to spend 70 minutes with God (10 minutes a day for 7 days) and to journal about it. i thank my friend for caring about us so much that she gives us a challenge that will put us right into the midst of God every day, to soak in his words and let them change who we are. to fall deeper for him and to recognize that he is all we need.
while reading through commentaries on my quest to understand "the Lord is my portion" i came across this...
great blessing belongs to those who read and understand the word of God, and more blessed is the man whose life is the practical transcript of the will of God as revealed in the scriptures.
oh, that my life is a practical transcript of the will of God, and that i remain in his word in order to know what that looks like. and that i immerse myself in him and that nothing less will satisfy me!
the Lord is my portion. i am rich indeed.
what i learned at the collin classic 2011
today i rode in the collin classic, a rural bike ride rally here in, well, collin county. it seems that every time i take on a challenge like this, i end up learning a lot about myself in the process. how can you not? you spend the whole time pretty much alone. well, i do anyway. i'm the girl everyone else passes on their way up the hills. it provides me a lot of get-to-know-me time.
what i learned at the collin classic 2011
i'm in no shape whatsoever to do the collin classic. well, i might be in a little bit of shape, but not for the ride i chose to do. my girlfriends and i decided we would shoot for the 48 mile ride. i only pedaled 38 of them. if i'm going to continue attempting these rides i'm not only going to have to be biking more regularly (which means riding more than saturday mornings to and from breakfast with said girlfriends. and let's face it, those rides are really about the breakfast, know what i'm sayin'?) but i'm also going to have to build up my sad little muscles with * gasp! * exercise. [do NOT tell lisa i said that. she'll hold me to it.]
i'm really allergic! i took my claritin this morning, but all the pollin in the wind still made parts of my skin complain. i brought along some benadryl cream for just this very thing and had to apply it several times to the insides of my elbows to keep the rash down.
my dad died from a heart attack, but that was the final result of what started as an allergic reaction. he couldn't breathe, tried to open up his pipes with steam from a shower, but it wasn't helping. he was rushed to the ER where he turned blue, collapsed, and passed away. i take allergies very seriously, and commit to doing what i can to stay reaction-free. this was a good reminder that i was prepared, but still oh-so-susceptible.
i understand my body. i rounded a curve and looked up. there was a big hill in front of me. a big one. with several smaller ones between me and it to get me all tired up first before i reached it. my body spoke up. i listened and pulled over, grabbed a protein bar and chomped it. turns out, it was just what i needed to fuel me up that hill. i've always been kind of sensitive to my body's voice. i know when i'm about to get sick. i know when something is just slightly 'off'.
this fleshy wrapper i come in, it's a unique machine. God's incredible creation! and i get to know it personally and wear this miracle every day. i know my body, and that kind of amazes me.
i can usually do more than i think i can. even with such a small ride, i had moments were i was ready to give up early. it was hot, i was tired, my muscles were angry. and i would still ride. i wonder why. i don't think of myself as someone with stamina. i'm physically very weak. but i have found that when it boils down to it, i don't give up so easily (that's not to say that i don't ever give up... just not right away. HA!).
it helps when i'm lost in my thoughts and praying and next-thing-i-know another mile is behind me.
it also helps being stubborn.
i'm steady. this was the one that seemed to be the theme of the ride. when all the others were passing me up those hills, i just kept pedaling. it was the slowest pace, but i just kept pedaling. and when everyone else's coast stride was greater than mine and they were still benefitting from the downhills and not having to pedal, i just kept pedaling. i would look over sometimes and see the riders with the really cut calves [as they were passing me] and i thought, 'you know, i'm not strong. but i am steady.'
at that one point when i pulled over for that protein bar, another rider came up alongside me and chatted with me, making sure i was ok. and he had a misting cap on his water bottle and misted me with it while we talked. he encouraged me by saying that i was doing well and that i was steady. and i thought, what a confirmation. thanks, God!
then later someone else mentioned it.
and even later, a hawaiian-looking man that had passed me after every rest stop before beating me to the next one, resting longer than me, then passing me again,.. said, "there you are again. you're steady."
"steady," i repeated out loud. and kept pedaling.
i may not be strong, but i am steady.
i am the tortoise in aesop's fable. i will just plod, plod along. laugh and dance around me if you want, rabbit, but i will keep plodding and i will get there. i don't have to be first and i don't have to be best. i'll just be steady and get there.
charlotte - my first non-usa donation
i am knitting the charlotte sweater from the gorgeous dauphine (#14) book. first of all: beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!!!
one evening, several times, i read the decrease directions for the tops of the sleeves and i couldn’t figure it out. it just made no sense. i had to sleep on it and look at it again the next morning. no sense. and then again when i got home from work. nothing! in fact, i thought it was an error and googled “louisa harding pattern corrections”. the links i saw didn’t result in any corrections for the charlotte pattern. so i googled “louisa harding charlotte pattern corrections” and one of the first few links i saw took me to this purse pattern:
the funny thing is: i’m actually looking for an easy-to-make purse pattern.
i just got back a couple of weeks ago from africa where i taught orphans, their house moms, and even some of the cooks at the village of hope how to knit. my goal is to provide them with a trade for their futures, and in the meantime i’m going to show them how to make some simple items that can be sold and the money can be put back into the village of hope, so the village can become self-sustaining.
so when i happened upon this purse pattern, i thought, now wouldn’t that be funny if i looked at the charlotte sweater pattern again and it made perfect sense, and the only reason why it didn’t make sense before is because God wanted me to search for a correction and find this purse pattern??
and i swear to you i looked at the pattern again and i actually read it correctly and went, “OH! THAT’S what it’s saying, i've been reading it wrong.”
so.. as you may imagine, i couldn’t just let that go. there had to be a reason for it. i couldn't not do anything.
so i messaged the designer of the pattern (through ravelry, a site for knitters and crocheters. love it. if you're not on it, get on it. if you are - find me. i'm orangesque). i laid out this very story and asked her if she would be willing to donate the pattern for the kids to use and make product to sell for a profit for the village.
after several days of not hearing from her, i thought - ok. maybe i was just putting that in front of her for God to move her in another way (for i had no doubt God's hand was in this). i just prayed about it and if i heard from her - great! - and if i didn't, well that was great, too.
then i finally got an answer: "i would be honored."
she emailed me the pattern and even gave me permission to customize or embellish. and of course, she would love to see some of the finished pieces.
she's from england and so this is my first non-usa donation for this incredible knitting project.
OH! i cannot WAIT to teach the kids how to make this and then send photos back to louisa and i pray that she is blessed by her generosity.
and i am once again marinating in God's goodness and the truly amazing ways He works. that i even get to participate in this thrills me.
as an aside - here is another pattern i am going to teach the kids to make. heck - i'd wear it!!
the gift of joy
as we prepared for our last trip to the village of hope, i received a call from a friend telling me her child wanted to come by my work and donate her own money toward our fundraising. that child's name is joy and this is the story of her gift.
all of the first grade students at mcgowen elementary (among many others, i presume) received $1 each as part of the rachel's challenge project. the children were challenged to 'do good'...
at the bottom of the letter it says, Do something good. Do something great. Do something!
a dollar is a big deal to a first grader. well, to just about any kid. so to be told to do something with it (give it away?) is probably an even bigger deal. so what would joy do with her dollar?
several weeks prior to this, joy had learned in promiseland at christ fellowship about the children at the village of hope in uganda. and she learned that the offering collected from the kids in promiseland goes right to the village, so children are helping children.
to help educate the 'kids here' about the 'kids there' and what their offering money helps to accomplish, my husband came to promiseland one sunday to talk about the village and answer questions.
i was in the back and i recognized quite a few of the kids there, including joy.
apparently, she's been giving her very own money to the village of hope through promiseland for a while, which was later a surprise to her parents. she did it all on her own out of very big heart.
so... armed with this new dollar bill from her school, joy decides she wants to give to the village of hope, through donating it to our trip there. but at one point, she decided that $1 wasn't enough and she sat down to count out some of her own money. in quarters.
it got ziplocked up (but not after she got her mom to give some quarters of her own!) and hand delivered to me.
there was a moment where she thought about taking some of it back, but in the end gave all of her intended gift.
her mom prepped me before the visit so i knew what was up. good thing - or i would have blubbered all over the place. but i at least held it together until after they left. i couldn't stop hugging her though.
and perhaps it was my excitement at her gift, perhaps she experienced that true and lovely blessing God provides when we give of ourselves and our possessions, but there was talk of her wanting to give even more.
the baggie containing a one dollar bill and nineteen dollars in quarters helped pay for our trip to see the children where they began to learn to knit, learned to trust us more, and even shared some of their stories. we discipled them, loved on them, ate and slept with them. we showed them God's love and talked to them about how to honor him. we poured ourselves out for them.
it seems joy's gift went a long way. all the way to africa and back.
it also went deep. into my heart, scattering seeds of generosity and child-like faith. maybe it will make it into yours, too.
i hope mcgowen elementary knows where that dollar went and how it grew into something good. something great. Something!!
and i hope God blesses the little girl who gave what she had - away - to help others.
i am joy-inspired!!
the knitting debrief
robyn, aka the minimalist knitter, asked me how the knitting project went in uganda. my response came from the first time i've sat down to write anything out. so i'm including it here as an update:
robyn,
wow!
where do i begin? it was really awesome! here are a few photos
when the house moms saw me teaching the kids, they wanted to learn too. and when the kitchen workers saw me teaching the house moms, they wanted to learn too. even the ugandan director picked up some sticks and gave it a try. and so did the full time missionary woman who is living out there with her husband. everyone wanted in on it.
they were very good at learning the process and i laid out some foundational knitting for them. by the time we left, one of the house moms nearly had a scarf made!
each session would last several hours because the girls wouldn't stop knitting until the house moms told them to - either it was time for dinner or time for chores. and the time would go by so quickly (and quietly... it absorbed them).
on a seemingly unrelated note, we took some time to sit with the head mistress (principal) of their school to discuss how we can support them in the future with lessons, etc. we wanted what we teach them to supplement what the teachers were teaching, and that hopefully we could bring more ESL into it and maybe bring things from america that weren't readily available in uganda (like weather implements such as wind socks). when she presented us with the upcoming curriculum, it turned out that some of the art elements for the next two terms are knitting and crocheting. hmm... i can help with that.
then we were looking at some of the items that the village has been able to sell to help support themselves, like the bead project, and they were asking if i could teach the kids how to make things that would be marketable to sell. hmm... i can help with that, too!
so it seems that this knitting project (that has by far outgrown me) can be helpful in ways i hadn't considered.
i received several boxes from people saying they heard about me through your blog and it blessed me beyond measure that they would simply give! they don't know me. and they may not even know you. but they just... gave. their generosity and willingness to partner with me was touching and i found myself several times just tearing up for lack of a better response.
we took over 75 sets of needles and over 100 pounds of yarn to africa and i still have some stuff left over in my spare room (i saved the boucle and fuzzy yarns for later as it didn't lend itself well to beginner's efforts).
upon my return i found another box had been delivered in my absence and another box landed on my doorstep the next day. the generosity continues.
my next step, as i continue to collect donated materials, is to gather some patterns for products that will sell (mostly to americans that visit the village or to be sold here in the states), and hopefully items that can incorporate some of the beads. one idea i had is to have the kids make a basic pouch purse with a drawstring at the top and use beads at the ends of the drawstrings. maybe finish it with fringe at the bottom with beads, too.
if you or any of your readers have pattern ideas or submissions they would be greatly appreciated. :)
one last note: my husband and i sponsor four of the kids there. two girls and two boys. the two girls are both named vicky and one of them had been very closed off when we were there last. that may have even contributed to me being so drawn to her. i tend to be a little standoffish (shy) myself. since our last visit i've sent her some letters and prayed for her regularly.
a few days into our visit this time, she gave me a note that said she wanted to share her story with me. she led me around to the side of her home, sat me down, and began to tell me. it was... heartbreaking. no child in that village has a pretty story. it was all i could do not to cry (for fear of it being translated to her that i pity her).
the fact that she shared with me speaks of incredible trust. when we returned, it spoke volumes to those kids. it said we will be back for them. they can trust that. they can trust US. and they did... she wasn't the only one who opened up to me.
but it also told me that they are receiving such good care, such good, godly, healthy care, that they are healing from past hurts and beginning to open up. it was a beautiful testimony of how God can restore even the most broken of us. his love can 'knit' back together a heart with more fractures than we can count. yes, he knits! i am my Father's daughter. :)
thanks for all you have and are doing to push this project forward and increase awareness of the village of hope. i'm astounded by your kindness.
with gratitude,
trace
gifted to give
when jon and i returned from our first trip to uganda last august, our hearts were agitated. we wanted to do something. to be of help to the children at the village of hope.
we joked (ok, i joked. jon may have been quite serious!) about moving to uganda, building our own hut in the village and serving the children and workers of the village. but i knew that wasn't what God had in store for us (at least in this season!), for what could we offer them but to become a burden to them?
we would require food, shelter, protection and many other necessities we couldn't possibly foresee, in exchange for... what? i cannot teach these girls how to grow up to be successful women in their culture - because i don't know their culture. i can teach them how to be an american woman. but what good is that in the middle of uganda with no running water or electricity? it would be disastrous!
and i couldn't consider bringing them here to america. at the village of hope they are receiving such great care. they are learning how to become pillars of their society and uphold their country. they can very possibly grow up to turn their country around. why would i pluck them from that only to raise them far from their land? they were born ugandan for a reason. i need to be sensitive to that and respect that.
and so i quandaried over what i had to offer these precious ones, for i so wanted to be of help to them.
days later our team had lunch with cindy cunningham, founder and director of the village of hope, and i mentioned that i had almost brought my knitting on the airplane with me to keep me occupied (i backed out for fear of it being confiscated at the airport), and wondered aloud if i could have taught the kids to knit while i was there. cindy replied saying that would have been great as it would be teaching them a trade - a way to make a living and provide for their futures.
lightbulb!
this was how i could help them - this is what i could offer. out of so many things i cannot give them, this -- this!! was something i could provide. and it can have lasting value for them. and i know not all of them will keep it up, but some of them will. they will take to it as i have, loving to learn it and explore it. and some of them will even be able to knit products to sell and perhaps earn a living from it. and i get to help with that!
and so it was decided that i will teach the children to knit.
i've collected a couple of very basic patterns - one is for a dishcloth and the other is for a hat. i have knitted or received some samples from both patterns so they can see what we will be making. and began to think about how to get enough yarn and needles and accessories for 150 children. a daunting thought!
but then, when God has a plan, He also has a way of executing it. and i am excited to see how He is going to provide. perhaps... perhaps YOU are part of that plan. maybe you have stash yarn or needles you don't use anymore. maybe you have a circle of knitting pals that you could mention this project to. maybe you want to help in ways i haven't even thought to ask. [i'm smiling here, because i know God loves to provide in ways that delight us. i know He will show up and 'be big' and i get to watch it all unfold before my eyes.]
if you would like to be a part of this knitting project - here are a few resources or ways you can help:
• Knitting Project Flier (on facebook)
• looking for: yarn, knitting needles and finishing items, such as scissors and tapestry needles
• you can mail to me or i will pick up if you are in the north dallas area - email me
• we still have just over $2000 to raise for our trip. perhaps you'd like to donate to the trip
• there is another trip scheduled for july/august. perhaps you'd like to be a part of it
• pray! pray pray pray. you can join our prayer partners group on FB
i am just a small girl with a couple of needles and a big ole heart. i just wanna do some good with what i have. Lord - take what you have given me and use it to your glory and to increase your fame. let me be part of your plan to care for the orphans and the widows. and may i never mar your reputation, but that others would see you in me and desire you.
daily bread
last sunday my pastor preached on part of the Lord's Prayer. i was not there to hear him give the message since i was at a women's retreat. but!... because i'm the one who puts the sermon outline and notes into youversion, i got to read the material last week before i left. which is why, by the time sunday rolled around, i'd already been thinking about his words for several days. and i'm still thinking about them.
one of the things he talked about was praying for our daily bread...
We are told to pray daily for bread, basic needs, not for daily cake. In other words for transportation, not a Rolls Royce. By asking for our daily bread, we are acknowledging that our lives are in God’s hands. We recognize that all we have ultimately comes from the Lord.
what struck me about that was that the act of praying for daily bread is an acknowledgement that all we have comes from the Lord. that without Him, we have nothing and we are nothing.
and Jesus said that when you pray to pray like this... this is the very example he gave us on how to pray. and we are also told to pray without ceasing.
so if this is how we pray, and we are to always be praying, then i cannot help but consider that i need to continually recognize i am nothing and that i have nothing without God; to pray for daily bread without ceasing.
at the retreat we sang a song with these words
I believe You're my HealerI believe You are all I needI believe You're my PortionI believe You're more than enough for meJesus You're all I need
and it dawned on me that this song was about praying for my daily bread - it was about recognizing that i am His hands and that all i have comes from Him. and that He is all i need. in fact, he's MORE than enough for me.
and then we sang another song. and another. and they all recapped that theme of Him providing everything we need and that without Him we have nothing.
we kept singing about and praying for our daily bread. it was beautiful!
Article of our trip to Uganda
This article was submitted to both Jon's and my employers for use in their newsletters. We are delighted that either of them would want to distribute our story. And I thought I would publish here, too, for funsies... in case you aren't on either of those lists.
Through Village of Hope they are plucked from poverty. They are counseled and cared for. They are provided shelter, safety, food, community and love. And after those many atrocities they were forced to be a part of, they can finally find the kind of freedom and forgiveness that might otherwise seem unattainable. Oh - and did we mention they are children!
That is their past. Village of Hope gives them a future.
We were interested the moment we learned there was a mission trip going to Uganda to care for orphans; that is our passion after-all. And it seemed that every time we turned around we were hearing about this trip making it near impossible to ignore. And so with full hearts and willing hands we signed up to be part of the 12-person team that would spend two weeks sharing the love of Christ with the children of Village of Hope.
This team would become like family to us. In Africa we shared everything from meals and huts to much laughter and even a few tears. But before we ever left American soil we met together almost weekly for three months to pray together, plan curriculum and songs, learn about the culture and share resources and inoculation horror stories. :)
And on August 4, our team-family waved goodbye to loved ones and embarked on a journey that would change the beat of our hearts forever.
The children were so gentle and sweet, so warm and loving. There was no shortage of smiles and curtseys, then eventually, hugs and cuddles. They soaked up every bit of attention and love we poured over them. They sang constantly, in the classroom or doing chores, and wanted to learn every song we knew, which we had to sing with them over and over again.
They live their lives simply and peacefully, but we know that wasn't always the case, and sometimes it was difficult to remember there was a former LRA abductee behind those bright smiles and soft voices. Until we joined them for prayer.
Every morning and every evening the children would gather and sing praises to God and worship him with a fervence most Americans need in a bad way. And soon those songs would fade into prayers, cries out to the Father, wails, even! For these kids have seen darkness. And while they have been rescued and saved, those nightmares and grief still pain them. They are haunted by deaths of parents or siblings, sometimes at their own forced hands. The blood, violence and innocence lost are thick in their pleas for God to free them from their horrors.
Most of the children would pray on their knees with their heads bent to the cold, cement floor, but some would turn their faces into the wall behind them and let out such mournful cries that shivered our very souls.
What do you do with that?
What can some "Mzungus" (white people) from a comfortable, safe and clean (spoiled? indulgent?) life in Allen, TX, do for these precious children? How can we relate? What can we possibly offer them that could be of any real value?
We brought the kids new clothes, some much-needed school supplies, sports equipment and materials to make crafts. But the greatest gift we brought with us was, unexpectedly... us.
They have been shunned by whatever relatives they may have left, shunned by their villages, shunned by their communities. And after experiencing so much rejection like that, over and over... imagine then having someone you don't even know being willing to spend time and money to travel across the globe to just walk with you to the well and sing songs with you and hold your hand.
Imagine the value that you would begin to feel again. Imagine starting to see how big God's love is for you, that he would provide this team of strangers to love you and hug on you and tell you stories about God -- not just through their lessons in the classroom but also in the way they behave toward you and seem to just love you no matter why you have been rejected in the past. Imagine.
They wanted us. They wanted our time and our attention. And in that, was their very happiness. These children who have seen darkness, who have walked through hell and come out on the other side, have found a God full of forgiveness that can cover and cleanse anything they had to do to survive. They found a God who sustains them and gives them peace. And a God who sends human hands to hold them, human voices to sing for them, and human hearts that will overflow with love for them.
Those are our hearts! They beat differently now. When we're very still, they almost sound like an African drum, softly, rhythmically calling us back to sing for the children again.
Can you hear it?
Jon and Trace
Follow our journey
are you my sponsor?
when jon and i returned from uganda, we began to pray and ask God how we might become further involved with the village of hope and do what we can do ensure these children have a godly, successful future. and one of the things we considered was the child sponsorship program.
in this program, $100 a month can completely take care of one child - his food, clothing, medical and school tuition and supplies. but you don't even have to fully sponsor a child, you can partially sponsor them. you can do what you can afford - what God provides for them through you.
so we prayed about that and talked about it. and several nights later i had a dream.
i was in one of the classrooms at the village, and vicky was sitting at a desk writing me a note. she slid it over to me and i looked at it and all the note said was...
are you my sponsor?i woke up and told jon we will be sponsoring vicky. :)
so we talked to the sponsorship folks and starting asking about who else we could sponsor. i wish we could take them all! in fact, i prayed for God to provide more money for us to care for more kids. and so, He began to make a way. through us.
we started to shift some things around and to get rid of things in our life that we didn't need but that was costing us money each month. we decided it would be better to do without some things so the kids could eat.
and after many questions and much praying and lots of day-to-day changes to accommodate, we are the proud sponsors of these four absolutely beautiful babies.
the vicky on the left was the one i dreamt about. and the one i wrote about. for some reason she so captured my heart that i cannot let her go. all of them did, i dream of and miss and love all of them. but there is something deeper with her.
they are all a joy and i am looking forward to the day we get to see them again (we're looking at april). and hear them call me mama trace again. and kiss their heads and take in their scents. mmmm! mama can't wait.
it is a privilege and an honor to get to help them and to be a part of their furthering and upbringing and care. but it is not an exclusive privilege. you can have it, too. you can help care for one of these darlings. and you don't even have to fully sponsor one, just partially if it is all you can afford. but you might be able to afford it. do some shifting. get rid of some things you just don't need and provide the basics for a child who needs to eat and wear clothes and go to school.
God has provided for the poor and downtrodden... through us. we are His incredible plan. step up and join us and become a sponsor. and fall in love with a kid or two.
what's in a name?
today it was announced that our church is changing its name from mckinney fellowship to christ fellowship. and while i have heard there are some folks not happy - or at least reticent - about the name change... i love it!
i love that the new name says we are not about a city, but about a savior. and i love that by removing the word mckinney we may extend as far reaching as God chooses to send us. it says we are not bound by geography but rather freed to share the gospel to the ends of the earth (we were free to do so before, but now the name represents that).
and i love that christ comes first. he should! not just in the title but in our lives and the way we represent ourselves and in our thoughts and habits. christ comes first.
yeh. i like that. i like it a lot.
we used to have the full name 'mckinney fellowship bible church'. and i think one of the harder transitions for some people is that the word 'bible' is no longer in the name for we are to be simply: christ fellowship.
my bible reading this weekend took me to john 5:39 where Jesus says...
You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about methe bible is merely what points to or bears witness about christ. it is christ we are all about; the bible is a means to him. and so with christ in the name, we have all we need. (not to mention that christ is The Word).
and so i believe that this is a good change. a smart change. a change that tells people what we are about with no boundaries.
me likey.
obsessed with knitting
i'm back in my knitting phase. i can hardly concentrate on anything else. my marriage, my job, the cats - they are riding backseat in my knit-mobile. i woke up thinking about knitting today, for goodness' sake.
it is my prayer that i wake up to God's praise and that i would fall asleep with the utterance of it on my lips. now it seems that has been replaced by knitting. i am so in trouble.
i started this sweater back in march and it got shelved for a [long] while as life took over.
but now i am back into it with a vengeance and i'm determined to finish it by the time it is chilly enough to wear it. the back panel and two front panels are done (except for the accent color which i'm doing at the end). and the cuffs are done and i've started working on the sleeves.
cameron did ask me if i was going to wear my hair like that, too. i had to explain that i am only making the sweater.
then last weekend i was jonesing for some new yarn so i went to the woolie ewe and bought one skein of some gorgeous yarn that matches the color of my favorite long, orange scarf just perfectly. i am going to attempt my first hat and then i shall be truly stylin'.
and i have also finally gotten the guts to attempt my first louisa harding sweater. i bought the louise harding dauphine pattern book almost a year ago and take it out every once in a while, drool over the patterns, and promptly put it away with no intention of starting anything. yet. but it's time. i am now on the hunt for the perfect yarn for this sweater.
i've also been hunting for the perfect knee high sock pattern to eventually knit my first pair of socks. one would think i would start with a smaller sock for my first ones, but have you ever known me to do so? sigh. sadly... no. i have to do things the hard way. i think i will land on a drops design pattern since they are just delicious looking! although the socks i'm super in love with i have no idea where they came from. but me likey.
sooo... that's my latest (returned) obsession. knitting. if you happen to be a co-obsessor, come find me on ravelry and show me what you're working on. and if you're not on ravely, um,.. why not? it's a GREAT free site for keeping track of all of your knitting or crocheting projects or needles or stash or buddies.
vicky
this is a girl who i began to refer to as 'stoic vicky' - and everyone knew who i meant.
our first day on the land at the village of hope in uganda, the children shook our hands and greeted us and bowed (so sweet!) and vicky was among them. there was a variety of responses to us - some of the kids were eager and outgoing, some of them a little shy but interested,... vicky watched us. quietly.
when we went to evening prayer down in the school room or when we sang worship to the Lord at 6:30 in the morning in one of the kids' houses, vicky was watching us. quietly.
in fact there were several times when the kids would be in our camp and we'd be singing or taking photos or playing games and vicky was nowhere to be found. she didn't jump into anything, she wasn't going to be drawn in by the new, shiny toy (us) like some of the others. she stayed on the side or out of sight. but i saw her watching.
one afternoon there was a group of us sitting in the grass while the others were doing sports.
"tell us a story," joyce asks.
their culture is so big on telling stories. americans? not so much. and i had no idea what to say. i hemmed and hawed and considered something like the three little bears, but finally decided to tell them the story of how jon and i met in high school and then he went his way and i went mine and we had lost track of each other. and then we met back up again and we knew we were meant to be together.
they smiled and laughed and then asked for another.
another? but i don't know any stories! it was a stretch to get that one out of me.
and then for some reason i thought of my dad and shared with these girls that my dad had been a preacher. and when i became a believer and follower of Christ that my dad was the one who baptized me. and that he lives in heaven now, but that one day, i am assured, i will see him again and spend eternity with him.
it made me cry. just a little.
and vicky was right in front of me watching the whole thing. quietly, of course. in fact, thinking back, i believe she might have been the one who asked for that second story.
later on that day was when i went to the well with the girls. we sang all the way there, them wanting to learn all of the songs our team had been teaching them. they loved the jungle song and would ask for it by saying "ooh ooh".
when we got to the well, and the smaller children were filling the jerry cans with water, we moved under the shade of a tree where vicky made a place for me to sit. they all stood around me, even some behind me, just to hear my songs.
those few glorious moments at the well are forever etched on my heart, for it was there that i began to see this soft, sweetness in vicky. she was a leader, i could see that. she would begin songs and lead the other girls in them. but she would also gently ask me to sing another. and another. and yet another! and for stories. and for recitations of acholi words she was teaching me.
how interesting that this young lady, so near a well full of water, would thirst for something else. reminds me of another woman at a well.
she wanted to be filled with something else. value, perhaps. love. care. time. something that would wash over her and renew her. something that would echo Jesus to her.
oh i hope i was able to give her that, for all i had with me to give her was me. i poured 'me' over her. gave her my attention and my time and my smiles and songs.
she taught me one of their songs, 'child of God', and we sang it over and over again. i can even hear her voice, kind of whispery and it would all but disappear if she sang too high.
then i taught them a song that we sang all the way back to camp. some of the other kids heard us singing and they wanted to learn it. then others on my team decided we needed to teach it to all of them! it became a favorite.
after that time at the well, it seemed i was never without at least one of those girls. but something special happened between vicky and me. when we were doing our ESL classes or bible stories, i would see her make room for me next to her on whatever bench she was sitting. her eyes would find me and i had a feeling she was always aware of where i was.
days later when it was time for them to load up in the vans and head out for the 3-week holiday from school, she was packed somewhere into the middle of the van. i was reaching in, holding hands with everyone and loving on them and saying goodbye. i had reached in, holding myself steady with one hand on the outside of a window. when i looked, she had placed her hand on mine from the inside. separated by glass but joined together by so much more. so much unsaid but entirely understood by the both of us.
i looked over at her and saw tears in her eyes.
this reserved, quiet, stoic young woman had tears in her eyes. they had learned not to cry. it was a lesson beaten into them. a lesson they learned by seeing first hand that when you cry you are killed. the LRA would not tolerate tears and would kill you themselves or force one of your peers or siblings to do it if they caught you crying. the ones who could turn that part of themselves off, would be the ones to survive.
vicky had stopped crying because it kept her alive. and now she had tears in her eyes.
my initial reaction was to think to myself, 'oh, my dear vicky. don't cry. please don't cry.'
but that didn't last long. because what those tears really meant is something sweet and beautiful. for they not only meant sadness to leave the village, and perhaps sadness to leave new friends, but also openness, healing, passion, feeling, a part of her coming back to life after so much horror and fright. those tears meant a new beginning, a new kind of life where she can have thoughts and feelings of her own and have that be ok. she can embrace every part of herself that is made in the image of a God who feels things, too.
those tears on the outside showed me that on the inside she is a young lady coming back to life. it reminds me of lyrics from a david crowder band song "what was said to the rose to make it unfold was said to me here in my chest." God is restoring her soul and the bigness and brightness of His love is opening her up like a flower in the sun.
oh how i pray that she continues to blossom and grow into the woman God has designed her to be. and i also pray that i get to watch that happen before my very eyes.
uganda, debrief
after returning from uganda, i had an opportunity to share with the wonderful staff i get to work with about the trip. i knew i'd lose focus if i didn't have it written down, so i prepared it ahead of time. this is what i said:
first - i have greetings to give you, from the village of hope headmaster, the teachers and the rest of the staff, as well as the children. they all wished me to carry their greetings back to you.
the most difficult question for me to answer that i've already heard over and over is "how was it?" because that question cannot be answered quickly, lightly or most times without tears. this trip moved me. but then, how could it not?
the best way i've been able to sum it up for those fly-by questions is to simply say, "it was a God-encounter."
and it was.
his timing was impeccable. [this is where i explained what has been going on with the village. you may ask me about it personally but i won't be posting it here. thanks for understanding.]
so.. all of this going on while we were there, the children knowing and fearing the inevitable return to wherever 'home' would be for three weeks, we were able to help distract them with bible stories, games which they called "many funs" and a lot of songs, hugs, kisses and love. we also provided some much needed ESL classes. the children speak and mostly learn in the classroom by their native language, acholi. but their exams are all in english. imagine the difficulty.
so the timing of us being there and pouring ourselves into them was, apparently, just what they needed. God is good.
our team was amazing. we had bonded so neatly and tightly before we had even left that i felt like we were truly family. we were the embodiment of the concept of the body of Christ. where one of us lacked, the other had a strength. there were no quarrels, no conflicts, no feelings hurt. we were a single unit with a single focus. i've never experienced that before.
we laughed with each other. sometimes we laughed at each other. like when amy wondered why her chicken tasted so funny until she realized she ordered fish. and then she declared it good. the chicken and fish were in gulu. once on the land, it was pretty much beans N rice. a lot of people have wondered if i got sick of eating that every day or if i minded the lack of "certain facilities."
i did not mind the squatty potties. i didn't mind taking a bucket bath even if the water was cold. i didn't mind beans N rice for lunch and dinner every single day, i simply didn't tire of it. the one thing i missed and began to yearn for was to climb into bed with clean feet.
two of many learnings for me over there:
i was born american for a reason. i was born into this package of 'the challenge of more stuff', the drive for power, looking out for number one, the many benefits and freedoms. that package is the one God chose to bring me into and raise me up in. there is a reason for that and i want to use it the way God intended. i'm praying that God will use me in the package he gave me to serve him and give him all that he created me for. whatever that looks like.
the other thing i learned, or am learning, and this is a hard one for me, is that my time was probably the greatest gift i brought with me to give to them. just about at every turn we were being thanked for coming over and spending time with the children. and i just felt like it was a culture thing, being excessively thanked like that. i had a hard time grasping that truly the best thing we could do for these kids is spend time w/them.
they have been shunned by whatever relatives they have left, shunned by their communities, shunned by their villages.... after experiencing so much rejection like that, over and over... imagine then having someone you don't even know being willing spend time and money to travel across the globe to just walk with you to the well and sing songs about the Lord with you? imagine the value that you would begin to feel again. imagine starting to see how big God's love is for you, that he provide this team of strangers to love you and hug on you and tell you stories about God,... not just through their lessons in the classroom but also in the way they behave toward you and seem to just love you no matter why you have been rejected in the past? imagine.
and as i was just starting to get this into my big fat head, i was hearkened back to a sermon my dad preached when i was a child, it was titled "love is spelled t-i-m-e".
so, i am beginning to learn the value of time, and i pray i will become generous with it.
the girls that i connected so well with were about high school age [jon ewton if you are looking to multiply FUEL and add another campus, i have some suggestions]. they kept asking for me to sing songs and to write them in their notebooks we gave them.
i had sang every song i could think of and at the bottom of my song reservoir, upon more requests for a new one, all i could come up with was the one that goes.
oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang
they loved it. and wanted me to sing it for them over and over, while they tried to sing it as well, and count the words on their hands. i jokingly asked them what it meant and they stared at me. i told them the words were just sounds and didn't mean anything.
and so, it appears i traveled across the globe to pour my heart and time into these kids to teach them a song about nothing.