uganda, day 3

sunday. we attended an english-speaking african church. found out later that the pastor is rose's cousin. seriously, who isn't related to rose?

after the message one of the elders got up and talked about how ugandans need to lift up uganda and that they were born ugandan for a reason and to step up and do what they can to make their country better. it dawned on me... if they are ugandan for a reason... i am american for a reason.

we got to take communion!! usually it falls on the first sunday of the month but for some reason they couldn't do it the week before. that was a treat getting to participate in that.

lunch was fish fillet with chips. amy thought her chicken tasted weird until she remembered she ordered fish. debbie blessed all of us during lunch with one thing she liked about each of us. neat.

changed out of our sunday clothes and went to another camp. this time i laid eyes on and absolutely fell in love with a girl in a turquoise dress. held some children. Father, let me love them as you do.

a woman interrupted our singing, running over yelling and dancing, hugging or shaking hands with us. the kids all laughed and eventually she was gently led away. she had been formerly abducted and her mouth had been cut leaving her with severe scars. they had also given her aids.

what do i do with that if i can't change it? how do i respond?

cuddled with many children.

leaving the camps gets harder and harder.

once back, those playing volleyball left. us ladies walked, shopped, bonded. we bought an avocado. the girl in the stall where we bought it kept giggling. i wonder if it was all she could manage in light of these muzungas buying fruit from her.

at dinner i could barely eat. my full heart became so big it squished my stomach into a tiny corner of me so that i could only put a few morsels in.

i journaled for a bit instead. tomorrow we go to the village of hope land.

a prayer...

my hands are so small but what they can do, may it be done in service of the one who made them and gave them their purpose.

please may i be an agent of change. may i help? may i?

i don't want to come here to be entertained or coddled, but may i carry God's love, God's truth and hope to those who are without it.

everything i am, all i'm from and am about, may it be used to its full for the kingdom of my Father.

whether i'm called american, woman, white, christian, bookworm, techie, weepy. one small girl.

may it all be used.

how do i fit into this mysterious puzzle, this challenge called uganda? what is my place with acholi children - dear orphans? they don't need some muzunga who's particular about her hair. they need safety and truth. protection. a future. parents. love.

they need God among them.

can i really be used to make that happen? is there a place for me in that puzzle? is it prayer? funding? or time, self, energy, relationship? is that in the picture?

how? what do you, Father, what from me? call me!! i will give it.

draw my spirit into you. let me abide in you, for that is my resting place. that is the source of my strength, my brevity, my call, my heart, my life.

who am i but your servant, Lord? call me. use me. claim me.

that girl - the one in the turquoise dress - she seized me. i am drawn into her and want with a kind of desperation her joy, her childhood, her success. may she know she is special and loved and unique and dear. may she look to you and say, you bless me with your love. you are the giver of life and all things good. it is you and you alone that sends kindness into the world. may she be captured by you, hope-fully devoted to you! give her you, Lord, all of you.

may the village of hope kids recognize your love in our smiles, your sacrifice and strength in our presence and embrace. may they see you in their presence through our goofy attempts to care and relate. may you and you alone receive the glory, the fame, the accolades.

guide my steps, my Father, teach me your voice, light each step.

i am yours, to do with and use as you wish.