blessed

sometimes i look around me and realize how incredibly blessed i am. not just in the regular stuff, like having a husband who loves me and will do anything for me, or owning a house and a car, or being well-fed and well-clothed. but also in the not-so-tangible things.

i was talking with my sis yesterday about how i used to feel guilty because i could go through an exact same trial as someone else and their life would fall apart and mine wouldn't. i didn't understand why i was blessed to not have the turmoil and pain and suffering they seemed to experience. why was i exempt and they were not? why do they hurt and i do not?

i thought it cruel and unfair.. for them. i felt the injustice of the comparison on their side. and it would haunt me.

i spent most of my life like that. at least my growing up years. then when i was working at cityteam ministries, one of my mentors had me take a gifts assessment and i learned my gifts and what they meant. i have the gift of faith.

suddenly it made sense why i didn't struggle the same as others - i had faith. unusual, blessed, God-gifted faith. i didn't question "why me" as others had, but rather wondered "why not me" when i was spared some tragedy. i just knew it was going to be all right. i knew God was in control. i knew it was in much better hands than my own. i just.. had.. faith.

the story is much longer and deeper, but it boils down to the fact that i am delightfully aware of how blessed i am. and for those areas where others may not see me as being blessed (like my car accident last year where my little VW beetle was totaled), i cannot help but see it otherwise - that i was blessed with an opportunity to take the reimbursement for my car and buy something much less expensive and use the balance to get out of debt.

it isn't so much that i am blessed with different circumstances... i'm blessed with how to consider them.

oh, Lord.. You have blessed me indeed. in areas where i couldn't have imagined to request it. You give me faith where others have none - and i praise You for it and i wish to use it for Your glory and to benefit Your kingdom. may i never take advantage of anything, but always be mindful of my abilities and assets and how i can offer them back to You.

may every word i utter and every move i make be a compass back to You.