gracious sinners

it seems that all around me lately are situations where someone was responsible for someone else's "stuff" and something happened to that "stuff" but the someone responsible had trouble owning up to it to the someone else.

cryptic, i know. but for the sake of those i love dearly and wish to protect that's all you get.

it's really gotten me to thinking - what keeps us from admitting a wrong, even when it's an accidental wrong? what is so difficult about owning up to a mistake? why do we have such a hard time saying i'm sorry?

we act like we are frightened to death to appear to anyone anything less than perfect. but who are we kidding? we all know that we make mistakes and we all know that people are going to know we make mistakes whether we admit it to them or not. so if we are already seen in the very light we dread, what's the point of hiding it?

why don't we man up to it rather than hide what is already obvious?

i think we are a generation of avoiders. it seems we fear the discussion so much that we determine it's better not to have it. but what is to fear? looking bad? we've already established that no one knows we are perfect. people's reactions, then?

someone came to me in tears telling me of some trouble they were having with friends of theirs but they didn't want to tell them about it because "they knew - they just knew - that their friends would blow up in anger and yell and take the opposite side and... " (the fear went on and on.) it turned out that they had already had the discussion in their mind and had created an entire scenario that was the worst they could imagine and then they convinced themselves that their imagined response was exactly how it was going to play out.

we talked about it. we prayed about it. and then they finally decided they would have that conversation even if it resulted in their worst fear.

guess what.

it went great!! and everything was smoothed over and in the end my friend was thanked for bringing the issue out in the open because they had no idea that my friend was feeling this way.

the imagined scenario never happened!

my friend wallowed in and tortured themselves with something that wasn't even real.

i've been on both ends of the problem. i know the fear. but i also know what it feels like to have someone avoid me. and oh!.. the thoughts and feelings that result from being avoided. things like...

"i don't matter to my friend." only my friend matters to my friend. their self-perception (which we all see right through, including them) is more important than our friendship.

"my friend has no faith in me." they believe me to be a monster who will no longer care for them because i place my "stuff" above them.

"my friend has no [or limited] faith in God." they believe God can handle any problem except this one or that he can only cover the easy stuff.

"i am being punished." i no longer get to enjoy my friend's company because they don't want to be around me for fear of the issue coming out in the open.

i think you get the idea. and i'm sure you could probably add to the list. we've all been there.

and hey - maybe there are people out there who will play right into our imagined scenarios and become the very monster we fear. but i think most of us are kind, decent folk who prefer an honest admission over ...silence.

i think when someone is willing to appear as imperfect as they really are - it heaps integrity upon them. i think it displays their trust in God that if they humble themselves then he will honor them.

i think we are somehow misled into thinking that character is more about succeeding well rather than mistaking well.

when someone avoids - they come across as sneaky. deceitful. i'm sorry - but they do. we do. i'm guilty. i've been there.

but when someone steps up and takes ownership - they come across as honest and as someone with integrity... someone who is willing to take a pride-hit in order to do the right thing. man oh man do i wanna be that kind of person.

i want people to look at me and say, "that's a woman whose faith is in the Lord. she knows he will protect her and bless her for doing the right thing even if that means doing the hard thing. who is this God and how do i get in on that?"




7/7 addition: check out this blog post at donmilleris.com - a great chaser! :)

be careful what you pray for

we tend to say "be careful what you pray for." we say "i prayed for patience and boy did God give me an opportunity to gain it."

but i've been thinking about that lately. and i would like to propose that perhaps there are times when, instead of it being our idea to pray for a weakness or an area we want to improve or grow it, but rather that God, knowing a situation or challenge will be coming our way, draws us in to pray for His help in advance.

we don't know what's on the horizon. but He does. perhaps He wants to protect us and care for us and guide us by bringing us to our knees to ask for a fruit of His spirit He knows we are going to need to be exercising soon.

an interesting take on prayer when we've grown accustomed to assuming God waits for us to ask for something before He gives it to us. but He didn't wait to send His son until we asked for Him. no, He knew ahead of time we needed Him, and He sent Him. some of us still haven't asked for Him, but it didn't stop Him from paving the way for that prayer to be answered before we have prayed it.

by the same token why wouldn't He begin to prompt us to pray for a strength only He knows we are going to need down the road? we can act on that prompt or we can not. i love that He gives us that choice. but who's to say He doesn't prompt or... knock?

i think if God knows we are going to encounter a situation where we are going to need patience to pass through it, and He prompts us to pray for it, we had best pay attention and be praying for it. if He in His foreknowledge prompts us, we in our barely-focused-hindsight would be foolish to ignore it.

i say "be careful what you don't pray for."

bad art

i read an article that said we should not judge art before its completion. the author told how a movie was shared before it was ever finished and then it received high criticism and remarks on how it didn’t live up to expectations, but they had illegally viewed the unfinished product. how can you pass judgement on something like that when the artist hasn’t even finished it?

and then the article took another turn. it said that we do that all the time. with each other. God is our artist and He is creating something wonderful in all of us but we pass judgement before He is finished. we look at one another and say, “that’s bad art,” or we write someone off for not being the way we think they should be. and God is still working in them!

perhaps, it is God’s plan to use you in the making of someone else. but you write them off as bad art and decide you don’t want to be around that person. you have just cut that person off from one of the ingredients God planned for their life. so not only have you passed judgement but you’ve also stunted a particular growth path. what if community with you was precisely what God had in mind for them?

we want all the grace God has for us. where, then, is our grace for others? perhaps God has dealt graciously with you so that you will carry that grace out for people He specifically puts in your path. how ya doin’ with that?

all about me

i introduced rubber chicken nuggets in my last post and threatened - er.. promised! - that more nuggets were coming. i feel it is important to mention as i had previously that these are born out of personal convictions and challenges. any similarities to anyone whether real or imagined are not intended nor sought. however, if you happen to see yourself mirrored in these, perhaps Someone is trying to tell you something.

rubber chicken nugget #2
i, eye, aye

stop bragging, for goodness' sake. sometimes we brag and we don't even know it because we are so conditioned to make a name for ourselves. i got convicted over this when i realized that populating my conversation with things that i knew or did or accomplished didn't increase the value of that conversation one iota. it simply served to increase my value.

that's not what i want to be about. i want to be about making Jesus' name great. not my own.

since i've been working on it internally, my eyes have opened to it externally, and it is everywhere.

i get quizzed on the title, artist and release date of each song that plays on the radio in order to show how little i know and how much others know. that is neither fun for me, nor is it appealing of the other person.

feeling like i have value and that i have intelligence has been a life-long struggle for me. and while i continue to struggle, i am delighted to say that God is doing a work in me over this and stays my tongue on many an occasion when it would really like to wag about in honor of me.

did someone mistakenly think you did something (or failed to do something)? does it really matter in the long run whether or not you set them straight? let it go. (if it does, by all means, make it right!!)

does someone have an opinion about you, your work, or your hobby that may portray you in a light you feel isn't representative of "you"? will it change your status with the Lord Almighty? it doesn't require a response.

are you mentioning something in order to display what you know? is that what you want to propel your mouth into action? it doesn't need to be said.

and one may feel that it is limiting to hold your tongue, but on the contrary it is really quite freeing! i find that i am fretting less over what people think of me and am letting God be my judge. through His son i know i am set right before Him. i can't make that same claim with anyone else.

Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life; he who opens wide his lips comes to ruin. Proverbs 13:3

btw - i did this just today and was immediately so painfully aware that i once again tried to aim the spotlight at me. sigh. will i ever learn? my only consolation is the awareness in and of itself and a desire to eliminate this need within myself. thank God i have Him to rely upon as i prove to be inadequate when handling it on my own.

rubber chicken nuggets

my boss gets punchy in the early afternoon. i try to have a white board marker in hand because i know he's bound to say something that will send us into fits of laughter and i'm going to want to capture it.

and while it's always funny, sometimes it is also very wise. which led me to call them nuggets (you know, like 'nuggets of wisdom'). and then i called them chicken nuggets because i'm a dorkina and i do things like that. he has a rubber chicken on his desk (seriously, people, don't ask) and so the title grew to rubber chicken nuggets during one of those early afternoon moments.

one of his greater rubber chicken nuggets was when he was talking about becoming second in your life, so that God can be first, and he said,

"your life can be become more about..
not you."

dang it - i love that. think about that. chew on it. roll it over in your mouth and experience it.

(we also say about rubber chicken nuggets that you can chew on 'em forever. i admit we have a lot of fun at work).

i've been thinking about some other nuggets. mostly ones i have been working at in my own life. and maybe none of you need this information in front of you like i do, if so then consider these posts me capturing them on my 'white board'.

rubber chicken nugget #1
should - NOT!

try not to say "you should have..." to people. it sends a message that you think they are inadequate, incapable, have done/said/decided something wrong or bad, and that you know more than they. even if any of these reasons are true, there is no value in reminding someone or holding it over their head.

and since you're saying "should have..." it is probably after the fact, and isn't it a bit late to be saying something now?

if you have neat information to share that you hope someone benefits from, then use a kinder, gentler approach. if you are saying it for other reasons, maybe it's best not to say it all, huh?

i've been working on saying things like "hey i found a cool way to do that, wanna hear it?" or "oh yes, i struggle with that, too, and a wise friend told me..." or "that happened to me, too. then i found this website [or book or other resource] that helped"... it puts us on the same level (where we belong) and tells my friend they are not alone, they are not the only ones that have thought/acted like that, and that i don't judge them for what they did/said.

people are so much more receptive to things i have to say when i don't shame them or act superior, but rather share it simply from one friend to another.

Why do you pass judgment on your brother? Or you, why do you despise your brother? For we will all stand before the judgment seat of God; Romans 114:10

stay tuned for more rubber chicken nuggets