zebra striped friendship

i am beginning to open up more and more to having people come over to the house. part of it is that greyhound is no longer here. he made the house, um.. smell unappealing. another part is that i am slowly starting to get the living room in order. new orange sofa and settee, new coffee table, entertainment center, tiled shelf unit, and zebra striped vase. mom even got some zebra striped fabric to recover the ottoman she made me several christmases ago.

my dot and i also picked up some new flooring for the living room and hallways. we're hoping to have that done in a few weeks.

but anyway, it helps to make the place a little more visitor-friendly. so tonight i met with a dear friend of mine from church to get caught up over dinner, and ended up coming back to the house afterward. i showed her what we've done in the house so far and our plans for the rest of it.

my friend and i were talking about things that God has been doing in our lives lately. i was sharing with her about some stuff i've been learning in my beth moore study, about hearing how i need to let some things go so God can take me to the promiseland He has for me. He wants to take me, but i need to leave some things here that God says i can't take with me. and she seemed to surprised that i have things in my life that i would need to let go. it blows me away that she thinks i've got it together.

i've been very conscious lately about trying to be transparent so people will see that we all have the same struggles, we all have trials, we all go through phases where we need to let things go or be healed. i know there are people that i look up to and can tend to see that they have it together. but they're just like me. and i'm just like everyone else.

we all go through it. we all have low times. we all put on an 'i'm doing okay' face. we might be at different levels of spiritual maturity, be we all experience life! so i share stories of times i've cried or having misunderstandings or feelings of inadequacy or being stood up. i want her to know i'm just as human as the next guy, but that i have times - incredible times - when God works through me and i am handle a situation "ok".

it's important she recognize that it isn't me, but God doing it through me. i'm just the lucky vessel.

i prayed for her this weekend, that she would feel God's presence, truly feel it and know He is there. and tonight at dinner she shared with me that she has been experiencing God's presence. she relayed to me as reality exactly what my prayer for her has been. pretty cool, huh??

that God would hear a prayer from little ole me, and answer it for little ole her.

week five

another night of married couples' study.. it was pretty good. this past week we went over the role of a man as laid out in the timothys and titus and the role of a woman as laid out in proverbs 31 (ah yes, the perfect wife scripture. yup. that would be the one).

the study even warned us not to get caught up in getting down on ourselves in the areas where we just don't measure up. it's hard to not do that. but then we looked at the man's role, and whoowee! that's a toughie! i'm happy with prov31, thankyouverymuch!

there truly is a comfort in knowing i am not the head of this family. i don't have that responsibility. now, my dot may grant me authority over certain areas - and he does! and he may have me manage the house - and he does! but at least i am not responsible for the spiritual health and well-being of him as he is me.

and there is freedom in not usurping his authority. well, actually, it is not his authority i would be usurping. if Christ is his head and i try and rule over him, i am essentially taking over Christ's role in my husband's life. and Jesus is not tolerant of His authority being usurped! eek!!

but stepping back and letting go of that authority is so freeing. one can actually have the presence of mind to focus on better things - God's love and law.

i'm not trying to say that i try and control my dot, but i have lived alone for quite some time and there have been things that i am just used to doing for myself. and i know there are things that he is used to NOT doing - looking after someone, being responsible for someone,..

i think we've gotten into some habitual roles that we'll need to break, but i think the mindset of desiring to do so is definitely present! a start. small. but still a start.

yay for us.

connecting with cat

so i was in the bathtub today, destressing, when i looked up and saw cat, perched on the rim, watching me.

she's enamored with water. and bubbles. so a bubble bath seems to be near impossible for her to avoid. trust me.. it's not me nakkies that makes this event so attractive. although my dot would honorably disagree.

back to the tub. i noticed that she was watching my feet as i swirled them around and then my hands as i lifted them out of the water and then submerged them again. watching the motion, listening to the bubbles make little rice crispies sounds, taking it all in. and then she looked at me.

have you ever noticed that when you say "look at me", you really mean "look me in the eyes"? like.. women will tell a guy who is staring at her chest, "i'm up here". someone isn't really looking at you if they aren't looking in your eyes. that's when the connection happens.

so that's my point. cat looks me in the eyes. she doesn't look at my hand, the moving part that pets her and scratches her neck. she doesn't look at lap where she sits and lays and curls up in. and she doesn't look at my feet when i accidentally step on her tail (when it's right under me while i'm trying to cook! and then she acts shocked that i land on it). no, she looks at my face, looks right into my eyes.

she knows that's where the 'person' of me is. that's how we connect. she gazes up at me sometimes and gives me this total look of love. right into my eyes. because she knows that's where 'i' am.

the eyes really are the windows to the soul.

just ask my cat.

***

p.s. i'm wondering.. do blind people's pets look into their eyes, too? or do you think animals can tell if something is 'there' or not? i'm sure they at least focus on their face.

the stirring

tonight's conf kickoff was awesome!

we are doing a series on joshua at our church right now and about 2 weeks ago our pastor spoke of rahab. he talked about how joshua sent only two spies to scope out the scene, they met up with rahab, she was faithful to a God she didn't really know, and as a result her life and her family were spared certain death.

this book, called joshua, holds a story that isn't even about him as the name of it might suggest. nor is it about the israelites. or the land. or the city of jericho. it is about one, sinful prostitute.

God made certain events occur so that she might have life in Him. two warriors found themselves in the middle of God's plan to save rahab's life. the story is all about her. God cares that much!.. for her!

and for me.

tonight milton carroll, our keynote speaker, said something that pierced my heart. he said God loves me. just as i am. not who i'm supposed to be. and i choked on tears.

i was sitting in the tech booth, running lyrics and videos, but was at a point in the conf where i didn't have any responsibilities, so i went down to the front and knelt before my God and simply drank in His presence. i laid a bunch of junk down there, too. like pride. and doubt. and stress. and i felt so renewed and refreshed.

and i thanked God for putting together this whole conference. for me. so i could have that one moment with Him. i don't doubt for a single minute that He counts that as so important that He would fashion a conference around it. He would do it for me. and He would do it for you.

because He loves you. just as you are. not who you are supposed to be.

and can i just say... DOOD!

thank you for being big. and for loving me. and for the empty tomb.

***

milton carroll's church has the stirring, a church experience very similar but on a way bigger and advanced scale than REVO. i told my boss i think we outta take a field trip out there to experience it. she said that's in the works!

my tummy

my tummy says, this conference is a big deal and needs to run smoothly and we need to have a decent turnout and all of our volunteers need to show up and i have to get mediashout ready because the lyrics are all hosed right now and there are still a lot of goodie bag items that aren't finished and the rooms need to be set up for the presenters and lunch still has to be ordered and we need to keep track of the money box and i'm missing markers for the white board and flip chart and i've got mayabe 94 dozen things that still have to happen in a span of one little work day and everyone is counting on meeeeeeeeee!!

that's what my tummy says.

either that or i'm really hungry.

NTWAC.. make my tummy happy and come.

the orange setee

my dot and i have been able to get some new furniture lately. it's been so neat seeing the living room come together the way it has. and i feel that we have a look that is "us", especially with the addition of the entertainment center we just got. the wood work on it is something i felt my dot would really appreciate.

i'm especially lovin' the burnt orange sofa and setee. because.. well.. they're orange. and we're going to paint one of the walls in the room orange to balance it all out.

and very soon we will have wood flooring.

and after that we will have company.

it will be such a treat to be able to invite people over.. i cannot wait!!

i was thinking about all of the new stuff we have been able to get and it is so tempting to put it all on a pedastal and live our lives to keep it clean and in perfect condition. we can let it rule us as possessions tend to do. and so i am thankful for every little flaw in each piece we have. oh, i assure you i have noticed those flaws. but i am grateful for them, as they keep things in perspective for me. just like the crack in my windshield.

my "stuff" isn't pristine. it isn't perfect. it's already gotten wear and tear as "stuff" tends to get.

good! then i won't worry about it and tip-toe around it. i will use it as it is intended to be used. take good care of it. but i won't place it above my life and it will not rule me.

b'sides.. while the orange setee is cute and comfy.. my room in my Father's mansion has much cooler furniture! i'm holdin' out for the good stuff!

status qué

things i want to accomplish tomorrow on my day off:

sleep in
coffee w/g if she’s up for it
hit mctarget for a pair of pants i spied last time i was in there
try and find some socks. i’m wearing holes into all the ones i have
work on 2 days and another video of beth moore’s believing God
finish filing
check tax return status

it’ll be interesting having a day off in the middle of the week. and it’ll be another 10 days before i have another one, i just realized. hnh.

cat is wedged between me and my lovely new orange sofa. she has been so clingy since greyhound’s been gone. endearing that i am the one to whom she comes for comfort, but can be annoring when i’m trying to get something done.

endearingly annoring. like my cold feet, right my dot?

***

i’ve decided most folks are satisfied with the way things were. i say.. question it! does it have to be this way? can we make it better? how can we improve? qué?.. what?.. what can i do? what needs to be evaluated and what can be done to take it to the next level?

be bold enough to change, to question the way things were. give yourself permission to dare and dream and move the boundaries.

shuck the status quo and seize status qué!