charlotte - my first non-usa donation

i am knitting the charlotte sweater from the gorgeous dauphine (#14) book. first of all: beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!!!

one evening, several times, i read the decrease directions for the tops of the sleeves and i couldn’t figure it out. it just made no sense. i had to sleep on it and look at it again the next morning. no sense. and then again when i got home from work. nothing! in fact, i thought it was an error and googled “louisa harding pattern corrections”. the links i saw didn’t result in any corrections for the charlotte pattern. so i googled “louisa harding charlotte pattern corrections” and one of the first few links i saw took me to this purse pattern:



the funny thing is: i’m actually looking for an easy-to-make purse pattern.

i just got back a couple of weeks ago from africa where i taught orphans, their house moms, and even some of the cooks at the village of hope how to knit. my goal is to provide them with a trade for their futures, and in the meantime i’m going to show them how to make some simple items that can be sold and the money can be put back into the village of hope, so the village can become self-sustaining.

so when i happened upon this purse pattern, i thought, now wouldn’t that be funny if i looked at the charlotte sweater pattern again and it made perfect sense, and the only reason why it didn’t make sense before is because God wanted me to search for a correction and find this purse pattern??

and i swear to you i looked at the pattern again and i actually read it correctly and went, “OH! THAT’S what it’s saying, i've been reading it wrong.”

so.. as you may imagine, i couldn’t just let that go. there had to be a reason for it. i couldn't not do anything.

so i messaged the designer of the pattern (through ravelry, a site for knitters and crocheters. love it. if you're not on it, get on it. if you are - find me. i'm orangesque). i laid out this very story and asked her if she would be willing to donate the pattern for the kids to use and make product to sell for a profit for the village.

after several days of not hearing from her, i thought - ok. maybe i was just putting that in front of her for God to move her in another way (for i had no doubt God's hand was in this). i just prayed about it and if i heard from her - great! - and if i didn't, well that was great, too.

then i finally got an answer: "i would be honored."

she emailed me the pattern and even gave me permission to customize or embellish. and of course, she would love to see some of the finished pieces.

she's from england and so this is my first non-usa donation for this incredible knitting project.

OH! i cannot WAIT to teach the kids how to make this and then send photos back to louisa and i pray that she is blessed by her generosity.

and i am once again marinating in God's goodness and the truly amazing ways He works. that i even get to participate in this thrills me.

as an aside - here is another pattern i am going to teach the kids to make. heck - i'd wear it!!

the gift of joy

as we prepared for our last trip to the village of hope, i received a call from a friend telling me her child wanted to come by my work and donate her own money toward our fundraising. that child's name is joy and this is the story of her gift.

all of the first grade students at mcgowen elementary (among many others, i presume) received $1 each as part of the rachel's challenge project. the children were challenged to 'do good'...

at the bottom of the letter it says, Do something good. Do something great. Do something!

a dollar is a big deal to a first grader. well, to just about any kid. so to be told to do something with it (give it away?) is probably an even bigger deal. so what would joy do with her dollar?

several weeks prior to this, joy had learned in promiseland at christ fellowship about the children at the village of hope in uganda. and she learned that the offering collected from the kids in promiseland goes right to the village, so children are helping children.

to help educate the 'kids here' about the 'kids there' and what their offering money helps to accomplish, my husband came to promiseland one sunday to talk about the village and answer questions.



i was in the back and i recognized quite a few of the kids there, including joy.

apparently, she's been giving her very own money to the village of hope through promiseland for a while, which was later a surprise to her parents. she did it all on her own out of very big heart.

so... armed with this new dollar bill from her school, joy decides she wants to give to the village of hope, through donating it to our trip there. but at one point, she decided that $1 wasn't enough and she sat down to count out some of her own money. in quarters.



it got ziplocked up (but not after she got her mom to give some quarters of her own!) and hand delivered to me.

there was a moment where she thought about taking some of it back, but in the end gave all of her intended gift.



her mom prepped me before the visit so i knew what was up. good thing - or i would have blubbered all over the place. but i at least held it together until after they left. i couldn't stop hugging her though.

and perhaps it was my excitement at her gift, perhaps she experienced that true and lovely blessing God provides when we give of ourselves and our possessions, but there was talk of her wanting to give even more.

the baggie containing a one dollar bill and nineteen dollars in quarters helped pay for our trip to see the children where they began to learn to knit, learned to trust us more, and even shared some of their stories. we discipled them, loved on them, ate and slept with them. we showed them God's love and talked to them about how to honor him. we poured ourselves out for them.



it seems joy's gift went a long way. all the way to africa and back.

it also went deep. into my heart, scattering seeds of generosity and child-like faith. maybe it will make it into yours, too.

i hope mcgowen elementary knows where that dollar went and how it grew into something good. something great. Something!!

and i hope God blesses the little girl who gave what she had - away - to help others.

i am joy-inspired!!

the knitting debrief

  


robyn, aka the minimalist knitter, asked me how the knitting project went in uganda. my response came from the first time i've sat down to write anything out. so i'm including it here as an update:


robyn,

wow!

where do i begin? it was really awesome! here are a few photos




when the house moms saw me teaching the kids, they wanted to learn too. and when the kitchen workers saw me teaching the house moms, they wanted to learn too. even the ugandan director picked up some sticks and gave it a try. and so did the full time missionary woman who is living out there with her husband. everyone wanted in on it.

they were very good at learning the process and i laid out some foundational knitting for them. by the time we left, one of the house moms nearly had a scarf made!

each session would last several hours because the girls wouldn't stop knitting until the house moms told them to - either it was time for dinner or time for chores. and the time would go by so quickly (and quietly... it absorbed them).



on a seemingly unrelated note, we took some time to sit with the head mistress (principal) of their school to discuss how we can support them in the future with lessons, etc. we wanted what we teach them to supplement what the teachers were teaching, and that hopefully we could bring more ESL into it and maybe bring things from america that weren't readily available in uganda (like weather implements such as wind socks). when she presented us with the upcoming curriculum, it turned out that some of the art elements for the next two terms are knitting and crocheting. hmm... i can help with that.

then we were looking at some of the items that the village has been able to sell to help support themselves, like the bead project, and they were asking if i could teach the kids how to make things that would be marketable to sell. hmm... i can help with that, too!

so it seems that this knitting project (that has by far outgrown me) can be helpful in ways i hadn't considered.

i received several boxes from people saying they heard about me through your blog and it blessed me beyond measure that they would simply give! they don't know me. and they may not even know you. but they just... gave. their generosity and willingness to partner with me was touching and i found myself several times just tearing up for lack of a better response.



we took over 75 sets of needles and over 100 pounds of yarn to africa and i still have some stuff left over in my spare room (i saved the boucle and fuzzy yarns for later as it didn't lend itself well to beginner's efforts).

upon my return i found another box had been delivered in my absence and another box landed on my doorstep the next day. the generosity continues.

my next step, as i continue to collect donated materials, is to gather some patterns for products that will sell (mostly to americans that visit the village or to be sold here in the states), and hopefully items that can incorporate some of the beads. one idea i had is to have the kids make a basic pouch purse with a drawstring at the top and use beads at the ends of the drawstrings. maybe finish it with fringe at the bottom with beads, too.

if you or any of your readers have pattern ideas or submissions they would be greatly appreciated. :)

one last note: my husband and i sponsor four of the kids there. two girls and two boys. the two girls are both named vicky and one of them had been very closed off when we were there last. that may have even contributed to me being so drawn to her. i tend to be a little standoffish (shy) myself. since our last visit i've sent her some letters and prayed for her regularly.

a few days into our visit this time, she gave me a note that said she wanted to share her story with me. she led me around to the side of her home, sat me down, and began to tell me. it was... heartbreaking. no child in that village has a pretty story. it was all i could do not to cry (for fear of it being translated to her that i pity her).

the fact that she shared with me speaks of incredible trust. when we returned, it spoke volumes to those kids. it said we will be back for them. they can trust that. they can trust US. and they did... she wasn't the only one who opened up to me.

but it also told me that they are receiving such good care, such good, godly, healthy care, that they are healing from past hurts and beginning to open up. it was a beautiful testimony of how God can restore even the most broken of us. his love can 'knit' back together a heart with more fractures than we can count. yes, he knits! i am my Father's daughter. :)

thanks for all you have and are doing to push this project forward and increase awareness of the village of hope. i'm astounded by your kindness.

with gratitude,

trace

gifted to give

when jon and i returned from our first trip to uganda last august, our hearts were agitated. we wanted to do something. to be of help to the children at the village of hope.

we joked (ok, i joked. jon may have been quite serious!) about moving to uganda, building our own hut in the village and serving the children and workers of the village. but i knew that wasn't what God had in store for us (at least in this season!), for what could we offer them but to become a burden to them?

we would require food, shelter, protection and many other necessities we couldn't possibly foresee, in exchange for... what? i cannot teach these girls how to grow up to be successful women in their culture - because i don't know their culture. i can teach them how to be an american woman. but what good is that in the middle of uganda with no running water or electricity? it would be disastrous!

and i couldn't consider bringing them here to america. at the village of hope they are receiving such great care. they are learning how to become pillars of their society and uphold their country. they can very possibly grow up to turn their country around. why would i pluck them from that only to raise them far from their land? they were born ugandan for a reason. i need to be sensitive to that and respect that.

and so i quandaried over what i had to offer these precious ones, for i so wanted to be of help to them.

days later our team had lunch with cindy cunningham, founder and director of the village of hope, and i mentioned that i had almost brought my knitting on the airplane with me to keep me occupied (i backed out for fear of it being confiscated at the airport), and wondered aloud if i could have taught the kids to knit while i was there. cindy replied saying that would have been great as it would be teaching them a trade - a way to make a living and provide for their futures.

lightbulb!

this was how i could help them - this is what i could offer. out of so many things i cannot give them, this -- this!! was something i could provide. and it can have lasting value for them. and i know not all of them will keep it up, but some of them will. they will take to it as i have, loving to learn it and explore it. and some of them will even be able to knit products to sell and perhaps earn a living from it. and i get to help with that!

and so it was decided that i will teach the children to knit.

i've collected a couple of very basic patterns - one is for a dishcloth and the other is for a hat. i have knitted or received some samples from both patterns so they can see what we will be making. and began to think about how to get enough yarn and needles and accessories for 150 children. a daunting thought!

but then, when God has a plan, He also has a way of executing it. and i am excited to see how He is going to provide. perhaps... perhaps YOU are part of that plan. maybe you have stash yarn or needles you don't use anymore. maybe you have a circle of knitting pals that you could mention this project to. maybe you want to help in ways i haven't even thought to ask. [i'm smiling here, because i know God loves to provide in ways that delight us. i know He will show up and 'be big' and i get to watch it all unfold before my eyes.]

if you would like to be a part of this knitting project - here are a few resources or ways you can help:

• Knitting Project Flier (on facebook)
• looking for: yarn, knitting needles and finishing items, such as scissors and tapestry needles
• you can mail to me or i will pick up if you are in the north dallas area - email me
• we still have just over $2000 to raise for our trip. perhaps you'd like to donate to the trip
• there is another trip scheduled for july/august. perhaps you'd like to be a part of it
• pray! pray pray pray. you can join our prayer partners group on FB

i am just a small girl with a couple of needles and a big ole heart. i just wanna do some good with what i have. Lord - take what you have given me and use it to your glory and to increase your fame. let me be part of your plan to care for the orphans and the widows. and may i never mar your reputation, but that others would see you in me and desire you.

Article of our trip to Uganda

This article was submitted to both Jon's and my employers for use in their newsletters. We are delighted that either of them would want to distribute our story. And I thought I would publish here, too, for funsies... in case you aren't on either of those lists.


Not many people have experienced horrors worse than most scary movies out there; witnessed, or even participated in, acts that make one question just how far-reaching "is" God's mercy anyway? But some have. And the Village of Hope exists for just such people.

Through Village of Hope they are plucked from poverty. They are counseled and cared for. They are provided shelter, safety, food, community and love. And after those many atrocities they were forced to be a part of, they can finally find the kind of freedom and forgiveness that might otherwise seem unattainable. Oh - and did we mention they are children!

Most are former abductees of the Lord's Resistance Army - a militant group of terrorists based in northern Uganda that is known for its heinous human rights violations, including murder, abduction, mutilation, sexual enslavement of women and children, and forcing kids to participate in hostilities.

That is their past. Village of Hope gives them a future.

We were interested the moment we learned there was a mission trip going to Uganda to care for orphans; that is our passion after-all. And it seemed that every time we turned around we were hearing about this trip making it near impossible to ignore. And so with full hearts and willing hands we signed up to be part of the 12-person team that would spend two weeks sharing the love of Christ with the children of Village of Hope.

This team would become like family to us. In Africa we shared everything from meals and huts to much laughter and even a few tears. But before we ever left American soil we met together almost weekly for three months to pray together, plan curriculum and songs, learn about the culture and share resources and inoculation horror stories. :)

And on August 4, our team-family waved goodbye to loved ones and embarked on a journey that would change the beat of our hearts forever.

The children were so gentle and sweet, so warm and loving. There was no shortage of smiles and curtseys, then eventually, hugs and cuddles. They soaked up every bit of attention and love we poured over them. They sang constantly, in the classroom or doing chores, and wanted to learn every song we knew, which we had to sing with them over and over again.

They live their lives simply and peacefully, but we know that wasn't always the case, and sometimes it was difficult to remember there was a former LRA abductee behind those bright smiles and soft voices. Until we joined them for prayer.

Every morning and every evening the children would gather and sing praises to God and worship him with a fervence most Americans need in a bad way. And soon those songs would fade into prayers, cries out to the Father, wails, even! For these kids have seen darkness. And while they have been rescued and saved, those nightmares and grief still pain them. They are haunted by deaths of parents or siblings, sometimes at their own forced hands. The blood, violence and innocence lost are thick in their pleas for God to free them from their horrors.

Most of the children would pray on their knees with their heads bent to the cold, cement floor, but some would turn their faces into the wall behind them and let out such mournful cries that shivered our very souls.

What do you do with that?

What can some "Mzungus" (white people) from a comfortable, safe and clean (spoiled? indulgent?) life in Allen, TX, do for these precious children? How can we relate? What can we possibly offer them that could be of any real value?

We brought the kids new clothes, some much-needed school supplies, sports equipment and materials to make crafts. But the greatest gift we brought with us was, unexpectedly... us.

They have been shunned by whatever relatives they may have left, shunned by their villages, shunned by their communities. And after experiencing so much rejection like that, over and over... imagine then having someone you don't even know being willing to spend time and money to travel across the globe to just walk with you to the well and sing songs with you and hold your hand.

Imagine the value that you would begin to feel again. Imagine starting to see how big God's love is for you, that he would provide this team of strangers to love you and hug on you and tell you stories about God -- not just through their lessons in the classroom but also in the way they behave toward you and seem to just love you no matter why you have been rejected in the past. Imagine.

They wanted us. They wanted our time and our attention. And in that, was their very happiness.

These children who have seen darkness, who have walked through hell and come out on the other side, have found a God full of forgiveness that can cover and cleanse anything they had to do to survive. They found a God who sustains them and gives them peace. And a God who sends human hands to hold them, human voices to sing for them, and human hearts that will overflow with love for them.

Those are our hearts! They beat differently now. When we're very still, they almost sound like an African drum, softly, rhythmically calling us back to sing for the children again.

Can you hear it?

Jon and Trace
Follow our journey

are you my sponsor?

when jon and i returned from uganda, we began to pray and ask God how we might become further involved with the village of hope and do what we can do ensure these children have a godly, successful future. and one of the things we considered was the child sponsorship program.

in this program, $100 a month can completely take care of one child - his food, clothing, medical and school tuition and supplies. but you don't even have to fully sponsor a child, you can partially sponsor them. you can do what you can afford - what God provides for them through you.

so we prayed about that and talked about it. and several nights later i had a dream.

i was in one of the classrooms at the village, and vicky was sitting at a desk writing me a note. she slid it over to me and i looked at it and all the note said was...

are you my sponsor?

i woke up and told jon we will be sponsoring vicky. :)

so we talked to the sponsorship folks and starting asking about who else we could sponsor. i wish we could take them all! in fact, i prayed for God to provide more money for us to care for more kids. and so, He began to make a way. through us.

we started to shift some things around and to get rid of things in our life that we didn't need but that was costing us money each month. we decided it would be better to do without some things so the kids could eat.

and after many questions and much praying and lots of day-to-day changes to accommodate, we are the proud sponsors of these four absolutely beautiful babies.

the vicky on the left was the one i dreamt about. and the one i wrote about. for some reason she so captured my heart that i cannot let her go. all of them did, i dream of and miss and love all of them. but there is something deeper with her.

they are all a joy and i am looking forward to the day we get to see them again (we're looking at april). and hear them call me mama trace again. and kiss their heads and take in their scents. mmmm! mama can't wait.

it is a privilege and an honor to get to help them and to be a part of their furthering and upbringing and care. but it is not an exclusive privilege. you can have it, too. you can help care for one of these darlings. and you don't even have to fully sponsor one, just partially if it is all you can afford. but you might be able to afford it. do some shifting. get rid of some things you just don't need and provide the basics for a child who needs to eat and wear clothes and go to school.

God has provided for the poor and downtrodden... through us. we are His incredible plan. step up and join us and become a sponsor. and fall in love with a kid or two.

vicky

this is a girl who i began to refer to as 'stoic vicky' - and everyone knew who i meant.

our first day on the land at the village of hope in uganda, the children shook our hands and greeted us and bowed (so sweet!) and vicky was among them. there was a variety of responses to us - some of the kids were eager and outgoing, some of them a little shy but interested,... vicky watched us. quietly.

when we went to evening prayer down in the school room or when we sang worship to the Lord at 6:30 in the morning in one of the kids' houses, vicky was watching us. quietly.

in fact there were several times when the kids would be in our camp and we'd be singing or taking photos or playing games and vicky was nowhere to be found. she didn't jump into anything, she wasn't going to be drawn in by the new, shiny toy (us) like some of the others. she stayed on the side or out of sight. but i saw her watching.

one afternoon there was a group of us sitting in the grass while the others were doing sports.

"tell us a story," joyce asks.

their culture is so big on telling stories. americans? not so much. and i had no idea what to say. i hemmed and hawed and considered something like the three little bears, but finally decided to tell them the story of how jon and i met in high school and then he went his way and i went mine and we had lost track of each other. and then we met back up again and we knew we were meant to be together.

they smiled and laughed and then asked for another.

another? but i don't know any stories! it was a stretch to get that one out of me.

and then for some reason i thought of my dad and shared with these girls that my dad had been a preacher. and when i became a believer and follower of Christ that my dad was the one who baptized me. and that he lives in heaven now, but that one day, i am assured, i will see him again and spend eternity with him.

it made me cry. just a little.

and vicky was right in front of me watching the whole thing. quietly, of course. in fact, thinking back, i believe she might have been the one who asked for that second story.

later on that day was when i went to the well with the girls. we sang all the way there, them wanting to learn all of the songs our team had been teaching them. they loved the jungle song and would ask for it by saying "ooh ooh".

when we got to the well, and the smaller children were filling the jerry cans with water, we moved under the shade of a tree where vicky made a place for me to sit. they all stood around me, even some behind me, just to hear my songs.

those few glorious moments at the well are forever etched on my heart, for it was there that i began to see this soft, sweetness in vicky. she was a leader, i could see that. she would begin songs and lead the other girls in them. but she would also gently ask me to sing another. and another. and yet another! and for stories. and for recitations of acholi words she was teaching me.

how interesting that this young lady, so near a well full of water, would thirst for something else. reminds me of another woman at a well.

she wanted to be filled with something else. value, perhaps. love. care. time. something that would wash over her and renew her. something that would echo Jesus to her.

oh i hope i was able to give her that, for all i had with me to give her was me. i poured 'me' over her. gave her my attention and my time and my smiles and songs.

she taught me one of their songs, 'child of God', and we sang it over and over again. i can even hear her voice, kind of whispery and it would all but disappear if she sang too high.

then i taught them a song that we sang all the way back to camp. some of the other kids heard us singing and they wanted to learn it. then others on my team decided we needed to teach it to all of them! it became a favorite.

after that time at the well, it seemed i was never without at least one of those girls. but something special happened between vicky and me. when we were doing our ESL classes or bible stories, i would see her make room for me next to her on whatever bench she was sitting. her eyes would find me and i had a feeling she was always aware of where i was.

days later when it was time for them to load up in the vans and head out for the 3-week holiday from school, she was packed somewhere into the middle of the van. i was reaching in, holding hands with everyone and loving on them and saying goodbye. i had reached in, holding myself steady with one hand on the outside of a window. when i looked, she had placed her hand on mine from the inside. separated by glass but joined together by so much more. so much unsaid but entirely understood by the both of us.

i looked over at her and saw tears in her eyes.

this reserved, quiet, stoic young woman had tears in her eyes. they had learned not to cry. it was a lesson beaten into them. a lesson they learned by seeing first hand that when you cry you are killed. the LRA would not tolerate tears and would kill you themselves or force one of your peers or siblings to do it if they caught you crying. the ones who could turn that part of themselves off, would be the ones to survive.

vicky had stopped crying because it kept her alive. and now she had tears in her eyes.

my initial reaction was to think to myself, 'oh, my dear vicky. don't cry. please don't cry.'

but that didn't last long. because what those tears really meant is something sweet and beautiful. for they not only meant sadness to leave the village, and perhaps sadness to leave new friends, but also openness, healing, passion, feeling, a part of her coming back to life after so much horror and fright. those tears meant a new beginning, a new kind of life where she can have thoughts and feelings of her own and have that be ok. she can embrace every part of herself that is made in the image of a God who feels things, too.

those tears on the outside showed me that on the inside she is a young lady coming back to life. it reminds me of lyrics from a david crowder band song "what was said to the rose to make it unfold was said to me here in my chest." God is restoring her soul and the bigness and brightness of His love is opening her up like a flower in the sun.

oh how i pray that she continues to blossom and grow into the woman God has designed her to be. and i also pray that i get to watch that happen before my very eyes.

uganda, debrief

after returning from uganda, i had an opportunity to share with the wonderful staff i get to work with about the trip. i knew i'd lose focus if i didn't have it written down, so i prepared it ahead of time. this is what i said:


first - i have greetings to give you, from the village of hope headmaster, the teachers and the rest of the staff, as well as the children. they all wished me to carry their greetings back to you.

the most difficult question for me to answer that i've already heard over and over is "how was it?" because that question cannot be answered quickly, lightly or most times without tears. this trip moved me. but then, how could it not?

the best way i've been able to sum it up for those fly-by questions is to simply say, "it was a God-encounter."

and it was.

his timing was impeccable. [this is where i explained what has been going on with the village. you may ask me about it personally but i won't be posting it here. thanks for understanding.]

so.. all of this going on while we were there, the children knowing and fearing the inevitable return to wherever 'home' would be for three weeks, we were able to help distract them with bible stories, games which they called "many funs" and a lot of songs, hugs, kisses and love. we also provided some much needed ESL classes. the children speak and mostly learn in the classroom by their native language, acholi. but their exams are all in english. imagine the difficulty.

so the timing of us being there and pouring ourselves into them was, apparently, just what they needed. God is good.

our team was amazing. we had bonded so neatly and tightly before we had even left that i felt like we were truly family. we were the embodiment of the concept of the body of Christ. where one of us lacked, the other had a strength. there were no quarrels, no conflicts, no feelings hurt. we were a single unit with a single focus. i've never experienced that before.

we laughed with each other. sometimes we laughed at each other. like when amy wondered why her chicken tasted so funny until she realized she ordered fish. and then she declared it good. the chicken and fish were in gulu. once on the land, it was pretty much beans N rice. a lot of people have wondered if i got sick of eating that every day or if i minded the lack of "certain facilities."

i did not mind the squatty potties. i didn't mind taking a bucket bath even if the water was cold. i didn't mind beans N rice for lunch and dinner every single day, i simply didn't tire of it. the one thing i missed and began to yearn for was to climb into bed with clean feet.

two of many learnings for me over there:

i was born american for a reason. i was born into this package of 'the challenge of more stuff', the drive for power, looking out for number one, the many benefits and freedoms. that package is the one God chose to bring me into and raise me up in. there is a reason for that and i want to use it the way God intended. i'm praying that God will use me in the package he gave me to serve him and give him all that he created me for. whatever that looks like.

the other thing i learned, or am learning, and this is a hard one for me, is that my time was probably the greatest gift i brought with me to give to them. just about at every turn we were being thanked for coming over and spending time with the children. and i just felt like it was a culture thing, being excessively thanked like that. i had a hard time grasping that truly the best thing we could do for these kids is spend time w/them.

they have been shunned by whatever relatives they have left, shunned by their communities, shunned by their villages.... after experiencing so much rejection like that, over and over... imagine then having someone you don't even know being willing spend time and money to travel across the globe to just walk with you to the well and sing songs about the Lord with you? imagine the value that you would begin to feel again. imagine starting to see how big God's love is for you, that he provide this team of strangers to love you and hug on you and tell you stories about God,... not just through their lessons in the classroom but also in the way they behave toward you and seem to just love you no matter why you have been rejected in the past? imagine.

and as i was just starting to get this into my big fat head, i was hearkened back to a sermon my dad preached when i was a child, it was titled "love is spelled t-i-m-e".

so, i am beginning to learn the value of time, and i pray i will become generous with it.

the girls that i connected so well with were about high school age [jon ewton if you are looking to multiply FUEL and add another campus, i have some suggestions]. they kept asking for me to sing songs and to write them in their notebooks we gave them.

i had sang every song i could think of and at the bottom of my song reservoir, upon more requests for a new one, all i could come up with was the one that goes.

oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang

they loved it. and wanted me to sing it for them over and over, while they tried to sing it as well, and count the words on their hands. i jokingly asked them what it meant and they stared at me. i told them the words were just sounds and didn't mean anything.

and so, it appears i traveled across the globe to pour my heart and time into these kids to teach them a song about nothing.

uganda, day 10

breakfast and then down to the chapel for worship in song, scripture readings, a message, and encouragements from whomever wishes to speak.

we had thought that a few days prior we would be offering an encouragement to the kids, so i had something prepared in my other notebook. at the last minute, i'd torn it out and taken it with me to church. i'm glad i did, for my dear husband, when he moved to the front of the room to speak into the children's hearts, he called me up with him.

"trace and i don't have any kids at home," jon said, "but when we leave here, we will have 67 children." the kids and teachers smiled and applauded. jon got choked up. i almost lost it.

i opened my notes and informed the children that jon and i had written a blessing for them. as headmaster richard translated, i read,

grace, mercy and peace
from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord

we want to say to you that wherever you are that God is with you
we want to say to you that whatever you do the Father will give you power and strength
we want to say to you that whoever you befriend to preach the gospel

in the morning when your eyes open praise His holy name
in the evening when your head is set to rest give all the glory to God
in all that you do and through the day love the Lord your God

and we want to say to you that our Father in heaven knows you. he knows your name. and he loves with a love that has no end.

grace be with you.

it really was all i could do not to cry. but i made it!!

after services, any many more hugs and kisses and lovin's, the kids went back up to the change their clothes and prepare to leave. two vans had arrived and we still awaited a third.

we went up to send them off with embraces and smiles and songs. our hearts were torn in two on the inside, but on the outside we tried our best to conceal it. hugging and singing and holding hands, we waited for everything to be loaded and the kids to be piled into the vans, like sardines in a can. a sweltering can.

i held little nancy's hand and many many other's. as vicky reached for my hand, i saw tears forming in her eyes. this young lady, who at the beginning of our time at the village would barely speak or even look at us, was so sad to leave that she went against everything she was taught to survive and teared up. oh how sweet and fragrant those tears! for they not only meant sadness to leave the village, and perhaps sadness to leave new friends, but also openness, healing, passion, feeling, a part of her coming back to life after so much horror and fright from the LRA. those tears meant a new beginning, a new kind of life where she can have thoughts and feelings of her own and have that be ok.

it was time for them to go and we watched the vans leave the village carrying with them our hearts with these children. "take care of them, Father. they are precious."

once the vans were out of sight, i turned to debbie and we hugged. some tears came out, and i almost broke down. but i didn't. it was all i could do to maintain my composure.

but i knew God was with them. they were even singing praises to him, squished together in the van... they just sang! a few days prior during one of their morning prayer times, a few of us on our team that were present got to say a few words to the kids. i told them that the 'salvation bracelets' we made together weren't just for them to remember their journey in Christ, but was also for them to share with others. that they could use them to tell others about how to find Jesus Christ and about how he has saved them and pours his love out to them and that anyone could have this saving and loving.

and so it wasn't just children in that van heading out for three weeks to wherever home can possibly be for an orphan, but that they were also disciples of Jesus and they were being sent to spread the good news of the gospel to all who has ears to hear. how precious are their feet who carry such good news!

God speed, sweet children. my prayers pour over you!

uganda, day 9

prayers. singing. laughing. bonding. loving. giving. being.

the children are my heart's delight and i seek to fill every moment of my day with their hugs and smiles and closeness.

with rose's direction we fill food bags for each child to take home with them during their school holiday. the bags contain rice, beans, flour and sugar.

we work tirelessly as it is our joy to provide for these children in whatever we can.

i join some of the gals in the chapel for worship rehearsal. the children get to choose the songs and determine which order they will be in. it is amazing to watch the unity and giving nature of these kids.

then we practice the songs and i learn some of their acholi lyrics. ipore rwot ipore - the Lord is worthy, worthy of praise! in keni, yesu, in keni - you are the one, true God.

the kids gather at our camp and we pose for photos and then look at them, pose, look, pose, look. i'm just enjoying being surrounded by the children. their openness to each of us is unequaled as of yet in my lifetime.

goodnights, hugs, kisses. for tomorrow is church. and tomorrow is the day they return to the camps or relatives for a 3 week holiday from school. the difficulty of this transition is apparent on some of their faces, regardless of their attempts at brevity.

uganda, day 8

end of school term ceremonies

headmaster richard, teachers, nurse and dave spoke words of encouragement to the children, with sidenotes of thanks to us.

then the kids danced, judith took me to dance the one dance that cindy likes so much. it is a bonding dance between two women friends.

jon also did a dance. judith selected him as her husband and he indicated he was pleased with her dance. i believe he is married now. heeh.

the kids got to drink a soda and have a package of bisquits (cookies). what little they have!!

they honored us with big chairs and getting served refreshments first (thank you joyce and vicky).

we believed that the children would not be having prayer that night, but really the case was that they wouldn't be having it at the schoolhouse. i was almost in bed when i heard children's voices. i went outside to hear it better, standing in my pj's. amy asked if i wanted to go to the kids houses and sit outside and listen to them. YES!!

we walked up and sat on the edge of the first porch we came to. we saw boys playing in the dark. one of them tried to scare us. hah. then two figures meandered near. "you are welcome," i said and my dear nancy approached. in the barely audible voice that i've come to know and love, i was invited to prayer.

it was muggy and barely lit in the room. only one oil lantern. but the room was filled to overflowing with children. no mats, no honorable seats for the visitors, just all of us jumping, singing, praising, praying.

a voice during prayer was growling and dark, it was earnest and as loud as i've ever heard their voices get. was this my nancy? with the voice so gentle i have to put my ear to her mouth to hear? was this her, crying out to God with the pain in her voice practically visible in that dim room?

ended prayers with "we are one family", many hugs and kisses and goodnights and tomorrows.

uganda, day 7

the days begin to blend. i've stopped referring to days by dates but rather by an event that happens within it.

cindy led the devotional this morning. what she has done for these children is nothing short of a miracle. how does she leave each time?

stella and some others came to her hut to say goodbye. or rather to appeal to her to come back sooner than the 5 weeks she had already communicated. "1 week" is all stella would say. aside from "i miss you."

after program, the kids went back for lunch. i meandered over there myself after eating lunch with the team.

watched gloria iron for a while. patricia sitting patiently by as she waited for her turn.

some of the older girls were taking jugs to the well and took my hand as they went by. so... uh... i went. we sang walking there - them wanting to learn our songs. once there, we stood under a tree while the younger kids drew water and filled the jugs.

they made a place for me to sit (always thinking of others!) and asked for a story and for me to teach them more songs. they quizzed me on acholi words and taught me on their songs. i loved it! they made me sing it by myself.

they sang to me and called me mama trace. i, of course, being ever the stoic, cried.

"don't cry," i heard from the gentlest voices.

then i happened upon a winning song that i pulled from the recesses of my brain as i was fresh out of ideas. they absolutely loved it, singing it over and over, and counting the words on their fingers.

oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang
oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang

it was wonderful to connect with these older girls.

earlier when a group of us were sitting in a circle on the grass, they wanted a story. i told them about meeting jon. but then i also told them about my dad baptizing me but that now he is in heaven. i cried. i think perhaps that softened their hearts to me.

one or two of them would walk holding my hand as we returned to their houses. after that afternoon, we were often found walking together.

after lunch the kids said goodbye to cindy, chris and maddie.

uganda, day 6

awoke at first light, took my journal close to the kid's rooms. heard them singing about what is to be found in the blood of the Lord: wisdom, knowledge, healing, power, forgiveness, protection, praise, care, cleanses.

went over to one of the houses and sat in the back where the 'stove' is. talked with the house mom and some of the kids. they were teaching me more words.

a rooster cock-a-doodle-do'ed right behind me making me jump a little. i turned around and said to it, "i como ber." they laughed at me. i will probably be forever remembered as the white girl who says good morning to roosters.

later i was singing with the kids. i was trying to learn their songs, but they kept interrupting with the jungle song. fine. we'll sing the jungle song. over and over and over again.

then they went into school and we ventured to the nile and got 3 canoes to take all of us across and back.

at one point in the back of the truck, i saw a field full of papyrus plants.

little kids running, smiling, waving just for us. one little boy ran and waved with both hands. too bad he needed one of those hands to keep his pants up. oops.

lots of time in the classroom. taught about being born again. made butterflies.

nancy is so gentle - they all are! but she is quieter than most. her look finds me at every turn and i am a moth to her flame.

they all ask us to write notes or our names or song lyrics in their notebooks. i must be ready to write a lot tomorrow. listening to david crowder band in preparation.

bought some tie dye and asunta tied one of them on my head.

also, tonight we danced. robert owns me as he now has footage of me picking out an african husband.

i also danced with judith, my african sister. she knows amazing grace. i think i'd like to send her a hymnal.

singing prayers and then hugging and kissing and saying goodnight over and over is fabulous. i am theirs!

uganda, day 5

the sound of their prayers - buzzing, alighting the air, en masse, i wonder how it smells to God?

their sincerity in worship is a big, fat lesson to us comfortable christians for their hearts are poured out and surrendered to Christ. it is what they can cling to.

the kids loved looking at my photos. one of them wanted the book but i told her she could have one. others took one as well.

our ESL/crafts felt scattered, but they enjoyed it. especially the jungle song.

at prayer again. ah-maz-ing. their worship is true, heartfelt, real, raw, from their depth.

more hugs and goodnights.

uganda, day 4

on the drive to village of hope, we stopped so rose could buy some chickens. that woman was in command! they loaded several live chickens into a box and put the box on the roof of the van. and we toted those chickens to the village to be used for dinner.

finally, we make it to the village. finally here.

the kids are in school when we arrive so we get into our huts, get a brief tour of the grounds and have lunch. the children walked through the camp on the way up to their houses. we shook hands and smiled.

they changed out of their uniforms and we joined them on the playing field. most boys played football. most girls blew bubbles we brought.

eventually we started a game of ball - when we threw it to someone we had to say their name. a great way to learn their names... repetition!

brenda picked up on our names right away!

then a game of football started and we had to move to the side. a bunch of us just sat in the grass beyond one of the goals. all the other gals on my team have wonderfully braidable hair. so while they were undergoing their salon styling, i sat looking on. until finally i heard this gentle whisper voice. "oom"

little nancy had settled beside me and decided to start teaching me acholi. i was left unbraided, but pelted with acholi words. and i loved it!

they would laugh at me saying the word for neck. it wasn't until the very last day when i finally received the nod indicating i'd said it right.

vicky knew a lot of english.

it grew dark and we shook hands to say goodnight. the kids went up to their houses and we gathered around a campfire for dinner and to share stories.

later the kids began to tromp down again to the schoolhouse for evening prayer. cindy let us go with them.

in the classroom, we helped them read english, they taught us acholi. then they prayed. or sang. or both. it's the same thing!!

"i will no more suffer"

we got to introduce ourselves and point to our state on the U.S. map. they blessed us and welcomed us.

then we sang. it was a song we would sing at the end of every prayer time together, "we are one family, we are one family, we are one family, in Jesus' name."

this time we got some hugs instead of just handshakes. we walked back to the camp singing that song. i am pretty sure i fell asleep with a smile on my face.

uganda, day 3

sunday. we attended an english-speaking african church. found out later that the pastor is rose's cousin. seriously, who isn't related to rose?

after the message one of the elders got up and talked about how ugandans need to lift up uganda and that they were born ugandan for a reason and to step up and do what they can to make their country better. it dawned on me... if they are ugandan for a reason... i am american for a reason.

we got to take communion!! usually it falls on the first sunday of the month but for some reason they couldn't do it the week before. that was a treat getting to participate in that.

lunch was fish fillet with chips. amy thought her chicken tasted weird until she remembered she ordered fish. debbie blessed all of us during lunch with one thing she liked about each of us. neat.

changed out of our sunday clothes and went to another camp. this time i laid eyes on and absolutely fell in love with a girl in a turquoise dress. held some children. Father, let me love them as you do.

a woman interrupted our singing, running over yelling and dancing, hugging or shaking hands with us. the kids all laughed and eventually she was gently led away. she had been formerly abducted and her mouth had been cut leaving her with severe scars. they had also given her aids.

what do i do with that if i can't change it? how do i respond?

cuddled with many children.

leaving the camps gets harder and harder.

once back, those playing volleyball left. us ladies walked, shopped, bonded. we bought an avocado. the girl in the stall where we bought it kept giggling. i wonder if it was all she could manage in light of these muzungas buying fruit from her.

at dinner i could barely eat. my full heart became so big it squished my stomach into a tiny corner of me so that i could only put a few morsels in.

i journaled for a bit instead. tomorrow we go to the village of hope land.

a prayer...

my hands are so small but what they can do, may it be done in service of the one who made them and gave them their purpose.

please may i be an agent of change. may i help? may i?

i don't want to come here to be entertained or coddled, but may i carry God's love, God's truth and hope to those who are without it.

everything i am, all i'm from and am about, may it be used to its full for the kingdom of my Father.

whether i'm called american, woman, white, christian, bookworm, techie, weepy. one small girl.

may it all be used.

how do i fit into this mysterious puzzle, this challenge called uganda? what is my place with acholi children - dear orphans? they don't need some muzunga who's particular about her hair. they need safety and truth. protection. a future. parents. love.

they need God among them.

can i really be used to make that happen? is there a place for me in that puzzle? is it prayer? funding? or time, self, energy, relationship? is that in the picture?

how? what do you, Father, what from me? call me!! i will give it.

draw my spirit into you. let me abide in you, for that is my resting place. that is the source of my strength, my brevity, my call, my heart, my life.

who am i but your servant, Lord? call me. use me. claim me.

that girl - the one in the turquoise dress - she seized me. i am drawn into her and want with a kind of desperation her joy, her childhood, her success. may she know she is special and loved and unique and dear. may she look to you and say, you bless me with your love. you are the giver of life and all things good. it is you and you alone that sends kindness into the world. may she be captured by you, hope-fully devoted to you! give her you, Lord, all of you.

may the village of hope kids recognize your love in our smiles, your sacrifice and strength in our presence and embrace. may they see you in their presence through our goofy attempts to care and relate. may you and you alone receive the glory, the fame, the accolades.

guide my steps, my Father, teach me your voice, light each step.

i am yours, to do with and use as you wish.

uganda, day 2

staying at the hotel florida in gulu.

breakfast was a spanish omlette (if you ordered your eggs scrambled you didn't get served... right renee?), toast w/butter and jam, fresh banana, coffee and passion fruit juice.

the shower was a warm drizzle. but it was warm! it wasn't a separate little room like we are used to. it was simply a pipe along the wall of the small bathroom, then piped halfway across the ceiling and there was the shower head. the bathroom was the shower.

we had devotion as a team then loaded into the van. this time we had rose, asunta, jeff and charles, our skilled and fearless driver who literally crafted us into the first camp. we learned later that this camp was the only one where the village of hope beads are made.

as soon as the van door opened, connor and careenna were off playing with kids. they were just... gone.

on a tarp under a tree sat some older children beading necklaces. these were the village of hope kids. the camps contain all kinds of people, but only specific ones are cared for under the village of hope organization. rose is the one who finds the children, orphaned and usually a former abductee of the LRA. in some camps you could tell the difference between them and the others, by their countenance, their cleanliness.

feeling shy and unsure, i took off my flip flops and sit on the tarp next to a gal of about 14. her name is janet. quietly, she hands me a strand of the necklace she is making and shows me how to bead. before we left that day, we had made three necklaces together.

someone remarked how well the kids worked together and rose said it was because we were there. hmm... some things are global, i guess.

we asked their names and ages, but while answers were given, many ages are really unknown as are birthdates.

after a while, the kids gathered and sang to us. normally there are drums to accompany them but the kids with the drums were at a celebration so were unable to join us and provide a beat.

after their wonderful performance, we got up and sang two of our songs and introduced ourselves. rose had them repeat our names. she is so very good with the children.

mindee had found a friend that day - a baby girl with no diaper. she remained cradled in mindee's arms nearly the whole time we were there and cried when we left.

as soon as we boarded the van rose passed out a snack for all of us - a bag of potato crisps. as we pulled away, kids followed us out, smiling, waving, holding out their hand for our snack. asunta got onto them for asking for our food.

as we pulled away i felt like... i didn't do anything. i mean i listened and laughed and sat next to janet and made a point of saying goodbye to her. i gave them my time, but it didn't feel like enough.

headed to lunch at diana gardens. buffet style: rice, beans, mashed banana, posho, something that seemed like spinach but wasn't, potatoes. i had my second of what would turn out to be many stoneys. a ginger beer that i fell in love with.

before eating, i washed my hands. there was a huge bucket with a spigot at the bottom and some soap sitting on the top of it. that would be the kind of 'sinks' we would use for the whole of the trip. other than the baby wipes and purell, of course.

after lunch we went to the place they do the tie dye. the fabrics were beautiful! we take off our shoes and enter. the tiny room had tarp over the floor. it was hot. the smell of the dye and of the sweat and heat mixed to a delicious, heady aroma.

the women worked with practically no words. they knew what to do, they knew how to work with and around one another, it could be done with only the slightest amount of communication. silent camaraderie. with babies tied to their backs they tie, band or wrap fabric. then they bring in the water they've boiled outside, pour it into shallow bowls that contain dye and some powder.

as we were leaving i saw a pile of seeds on the other end of the porch. it was sim sim (sesame) and they were left there to dry in the sun.

onto the next camp. we were greeted by the village of hope kids singing to us before we got out of the van. then they moved into the middle of the huts and sang and danced around drummers. asunta asked if we wanted to dance with them. why not? so we joined.

my neck didn't move like theirs did. asunta was behind me and kept saying, move your neck like this. i didn't know what like this was, but it apparently never made it over to me.

a few songs were performed in rows and we sat and watched. the team leader helped the kids. they did a whole presentation of songs, memory verses and a drama "God is with me."

then they sat while we performed our two songs, introduced ourselves and presented a bible story. then they danced more while we sat and watched them. a child sat in my lap. aww. :)

as we left, they shook our hands and bowed slightly. they kept waving and waving.

back at hotel florida, halft of us went with asunta to play volleyball (she is on a team and plays nightly). the rest of us (debbi, renee, chris, mindee and me) walked around gulu. we stopped in at the internet cafe but since the connection was very slow we opted to come back later.

sat outside the hotel for a while taking in the city, the smells, the sights, and journaled. it rained.

i mentioned to chris how i'd felt about not doing anything. she said that just us being there with a kid on my lap or singing to them was a blessing to them. i scratched my head. did not compute.