with the love of God

i usually pray for God's heart to beat inside my chest. meaning = i want God's love to resonate out of me because my love is too selfish and prideful and conditional and concerned about how it affects me.

i want to see people the way He sees them.

when i use my own heart to see others i see people who are flawed and can offer me nothing and who are marching down wrong paths and don't need me.

when i use God's heart to see others i see people who need God just like i do. i see people who are hurting and the only salve is Christ. i see people making awful decisions because they have not yet known the Truth and do not know it to choose it. i see people who are mean to others (and me) because that's what it looks like when the pain inside of them starts to seep out.

and i want to love them. i want to get their junk all over me because i come to them and draw them in to me. i don't want to be a "christian" with clean hands. i want calluses and stains that show i am working for the kingdom and loving people who appear or act unlovable. they need to be shown love just as i needed it. and that love is usually needed when they are at their worst. not when they are cleaned up and have it all together (which i believe is a myth - a lie we cling to - by the way).

when someone bashes me, i want to look at them and see the reason they are bashing. what is hurting inside of them so badly that they need to create a false and temporary status of elevation by lowering those around them through a bashing?

when someone refuses to get close to anyone, i want to look at them and no longer see a snob or a loner, but understand that something has taught them they can no longer trust anyone but themselves.

i want to be an authentic, kind and loving person in such a way that the only response someone can have is to recognize i am not doing it in my own power, but by that of a God who can give them this love, too. that if He can change someone like me, there is hope for them too.

when we cut people out of our lives or our circle of acceptance because they hurt us, we've only achieved serving ourselves. but worse, we have darkened the reputation of the Jesus we claim to know and to love and to follow. He becomes guilty by association of us. and because he is our friend, others want nothing to do with him. they think if he is going to be anything like his ambassador that has shut them out or been unkind, then what is the point of putting their trust in him?

may it never be!

if anyone says, i love God, and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. 1 john 4:20