gracious sinners

it seems that all around me lately are situations where someone was responsible for someone else's "stuff" and something happened to that "stuff" but the someone responsible had trouble owning up to it to the someone else.

cryptic, i know. but for the sake of those i love dearly and wish to protect that's all you get.

it's really gotten me to thinking - what keeps us from admitting a wrong, even when it's an accidental wrong? what is so difficult about owning up to a mistake? why do we have such a hard time saying i'm sorry?

we act like we are frightened to death to appear to anyone anything less than perfect. but who are we kidding? we all know that we make mistakes and we all know that people are going to know we make mistakes whether we admit it to them or not. so if we are already seen in the very light we dread, what's the point of hiding it?

why don't we man up to it rather than hide what is already obvious?

i think we are a generation of avoiders. it seems we fear the discussion so much that we determine it's better not to have it. but what is to fear? looking bad? we've already established that no one knows we are perfect. people's reactions, then?

someone came to me in tears telling me of some trouble they were having with friends of theirs but they didn't want to tell them about it because "they knew - they just knew - that their friends would blow up in anger and yell and take the opposite side and... " (the fear went on and on.) it turned out that they had already had the discussion in their mind and had created an entire scenario that was the worst they could imagine and then they convinced themselves that their imagined response was exactly how it was going to play out.

we talked about it. we prayed about it. and then they finally decided they would have that conversation even if it resulted in their worst fear.

guess what.

it went great!! and everything was smoothed over and in the end my friend was thanked for bringing the issue out in the open because they had no idea that my friend was feeling this way.

the imagined scenario never happened!

my friend wallowed in and tortured themselves with something that wasn't even real.

i've been on both ends of the problem. i know the fear. but i also know what it feels like to have someone avoid me. and oh!.. the thoughts and feelings that result from being avoided. things like...

"i don't matter to my friend." only my friend matters to my friend. their self-perception (which we all see right through, including them) is more important than our friendship.

"my friend has no faith in me." they believe me to be a monster who will no longer care for them because i place my "stuff" above them.

"my friend has no [or limited] faith in God." they believe God can handle any problem except this one or that he can only cover the easy stuff.

"i am being punished." i no longer get to enjoy my friend's company because they don't want to be around me for fear of the issue coming out in the open.

i think you get the idea. and i'm sure you could probably add to the list. we've all been there.

and hey - maybe there are people out there who will play right into our imagined scenarios and become the very monster we fear. but i think most of us are kind, decent folk who prefer an honest admission over ...silence.

i think when someone is willing to appear as imperfect as they really are - it heaps integrity upon them. i think it displays their trust in God that if they humble themselves then he will honor them.

i think we are somehow misled into thinking that character is more about succeeding well rather than mistaking well.

when someone avoids - they come across as sneaky. deceitful. i'm sorry - but they do. we do. i'm guilty. i've been there.

but when someone steps up and takes ownership - they come across as honest and as someone with integrity... someone who is willing to take a pride-hit in order to do the right thing. man oh man do i wanna be that kind of person.

i want people to look at me and say, "that's a woman whose faith is in the Lord. she knows he will protect her and bless her for doing the right thing even if that means doing the hard thing. who is this God and how do i get in on that?"




7/7 addition: check out this blog post at donmilleris.com - a great chaser! :)