separate things

one of my girlfriends shared yesterday that her son was very defensive of his friend's church. whenever the subject came up he would defend rather than discuss. and i asked her if she thought he was defending his friend, that maybe he hadn't yet separated his friend from his friend's beliefs.

it got me to thinking about how we see things so simply as children: all the things about my friend combine to make up "my friend." so loving my friend means i love all things about my friend.

but as we mature we can begin to see the complexity of things, the varying facets of them: i can dislike my friend's beliefs and still love my friend. we learn that we can love our friend in spite of what we don't love about them.

there is a separation of things, and that's ok.

do marriages break up because we haven't figured that out yet?

 

i remember in middle school having the hugest crush on my friend's brother because he wanted to be a pastor. i admired and respected him and his passion and that he already knew God's call on his life. but i confused that admiration and respect for a crush. i implied romantical (yes, i said romantical) feelings for him even though i really just wanted to emulate the way he was living his life.

i hadn't learned yet that those were separate things.

respect and admiration for someone doesn't equate to romantical feelings. it can lead to them, but it doesn't have to. they are separate things.

i wonder if that is why many guys and girls have trouble being 'just friends.'

 

'simplify' has been a heart's cry for me since my first visit to uganda. we just own so much stuff! and i wanted to get rid of what i didn't use, didn't need, didn't want...! so with that simplify state of mind, i caught myself one day coveting ______ (fill in the blank with any outfit, kitchen appliance, media device...), and it dawned on me that i didn't have to own something in order to appreciate it - that those are separate things.

i could appreciate the style, design and whimsy of the new volkswagen beetle (convertible, in sunset orange) without having to have it parked in my own garage and having the car payments to go with it.

it was liberating!

 

makes me wonder if there are other 'separate things' i am not seeing because i'm just so used to lumping them all together and expecting a singular result or response. what else have i accepted as the way it is just because that's the way i've thought it's always been?

it makes me want to open my eyes and think and examen.

what else are separate things?