wrestling in prayer

i am re-memorizing colossians. starting from the end this time - a technique one of my friends introduced me to so i thought i'd give it a try.

as i was committing the final greeting to memory i was struck by a phrase i read about how epaphrus was caring for his friends. paul said he was "wrestling in prayer" for them.

i thought it was a great picture of the commitment and fervor with which he approached the throne of God on their behalf. i immediately cried out to God - "if only!! if only i had someone to wrestle in prayer over me! Lord, i want that!"

and just as immediately i felt guilty that my first thought would be for myself and that i should be yearning to wrestle in prayer for others. so i sought to do just that!

later as i was heading home, working further down the same verse i was even more struck by what he wrestled in prayer about.. that they stand firm, mature and fully assured.

i'm going through a beth moore study (again) called believing God. and it is amazing! there is a five statement pledge of faith that she has us recite at the beginning of each video segment that goes like this:
1 God is who He says He is
2 God can do what He says He can do
3 i am who God says i am
4 i can do all things through Christ
5 God's word is alive and active in me

and my very dear friend is going through this with me.. my friend who is in dire need of believing who she is in Him. so it's been great knowing that as we progress along this study that she will become more assured of all of these things. and i've prayed over her, crying out for God to increase her faith and bring her closer to Him. asking Him to show her those promises she can claim and to give her the boldness to do so.

and it dawns on me. i've wrestled in prayer over her that she will stand firm, mature and fully assured. it's been in my heart and on my lips all along.

that's amazing!

don't you think that's amazing?

i'm dreaming again

i go through phases where my dreams are vibrant and detailed and poignant. i wake up remembering most of them, and carry the feelings from them with me throughout the day.

i can remember dreams i've had where i've made people laugh or were so colorful i remarked on it while i was in it! i had a dream last night where i yelled, which is unusual for me awake or asleep. i'm not a yeller. and i felt terrible about it when i did it. good. i shouldn't be yelling.

at one time i had a theory that we never dream about using the um.. uh.. potty. i was convinced of it because i had never remembered dreaming about it. not that i was complaining, mind you!! but eventually that theory got flushed. heh. sorry.

there have been a few times where my dad was in my dream and i woke up thinking how good it was to see him again.

a couple of years ago i wrote a novella and during the writing process i had a dream where i had a great idea and had actually written something. i woke up trying to remember what it was so i could use it and stopped short thinking - is it plagiarism if you steal your own work... even if you weren't awake when you wrote it? my subconscious gets to have all good ideas!

i went through a weird time in my life, during and just after college, where i was being sought after by nazis because either i was a jew, they thought i was a jew, or i was caring for jews in my home. in some of them i was even harmed. and in one i was killed and had an amazing heavenly experience.

and then once in a while, i'll have a dream where i will say something or do something that pleases God. or i'll get to witness to someone. or set an example in Christ's name. those are the best! i wake up elated that i got to live out the christian life even in my dreams!! that it permeates my life so much that it creeps into my subconscious. i'll take all that i can get!

i love dreams. they take me to places i could sometimes only dare to go, and yet they can ground me, make me somber and thoughtful, they can teach and challenge, they can set me free, they are hopeful and full of wonder.

i'm delighted to be dreaming again.