God's fingerprints

struggle. challenge. tough time.

we have different words for it, here in the world. but i believe the heavenly realm calls it - a call to submit.

for weeks it has been my prayer to submit to whatever it is God wants me to do, to serve however it is He has designed me to serve, to use the gifts, talents, skills, experience He has provided, right back to Him for His glory.

prayers come with consequences. you know that, right?

when you pray for something, like say... patience. He provides you an opportunity to learn it, to put it to practice, to hone it.

so i prayed to submit. and i find a plethora of opportunity that awaits my submission.

i also prayed to be humbled. again - more serving of humility than i can fit into my mouth.

and yet God continues to be tender with me. His abounding love is everywhere i look.

i was talking with a girlfriend of mine this evening. and i shared my challenges i've faced over the last few weeks. i was open with her about my struggle with pride and the need to be humbled. and my prayer to simply do what God wants me to do. and i even shared this journey i've been on the last year and a half and how at the beginning of it i just wasn't in the place where i could have told her point blank about the struggles i was going through and the pride that i was still hanging onto.

and she said something to me that still makes me tearful to recall even now. she said that she has seen God's work in me. oh, can it be true? can i truly be molding in His hands? have i truly yielded to become closer to the woman He wants me to be?

i don't deserve to have such 'success'. mainly because i cannot take any of the credit. my sweet advocate, the Holy Spirit of my Father, the Spirit of Truth - He deserves the credit. He guides me when i balk at being guided. He leads me when i have lost my way yet again. He is loving and tender when i'm being obstinate and selfish. He has His work cut out for Him with me, i assure you.

He is risking His very reputation by being associated with me! i can never bring Him justice.. i can never repay Him.. i can never give Him enough love or obedience to make it worth it for Him. it is only by His grace and love that He would do this.

i held onto those words she gave me. and prayed "God - is it possible? that people can see your fingerprints on me?" how i hope it is true.

if others see Him when they look at me, then isn't it all worth the struggle.. the challenge.. the tough time? if i am drawn closer to Him, then isn't it worth it? wherein, then, likes the 'struggle'? (i'll give you a little hint: pride).

it's been my prayer that i would be stripped of my pride. and that i would want to lay my agenda down and be submitted to Him wholly no matter what that looks like. and that i would want to want to!

i am determined to continue praying that prayer, knowing prayers have consequences and i 'risk' further spiritual development and all the pain that comes with it. because, yes, the answer is that it is worth it to be covered in His fingerprints.

order my day

i attended a leadership training session yesterday (kingdom training - will be held once a month.. i'm pretty excited about it). during one of the exercises we had to split off into teams of two, but you had to find someone you didn't know. there was a guy at the next table that stepped toward ours, so i nodded to see if he wanted to be my teammate. he sat down and we had to "listen" to each other for a minute each, take notes, ask questions, etc. it was a pretty good exercise in listening, and the material we went over for the session was awesome.

anyway, as i was listening, i learned that i was paired up with someone who had been in the NFL. uh, how cool is that? turns out it was george teague. since i talked first and told him about my blog, he then shared his website with me.

i felt a little embarrassed because i didn't know who he was and ended up saying something to the effect of: "so, i just met a celebrity?" he was very gracious and very humble.

i also won a prize! another exercise in listening was to take a quiz on the seminar we had just watched. i got 9 of the 10 questions correct. so did 2 other people. the three of us ended up getting a "dinner on me" card to a burger place in frisco.

burgers. hmmm.

well apparently my dot had a busy day as well and received a gift certificate to barnes and noble.

books. hmmm.

we determined a trade was definitely in order.

***

i had an epiphanal moment the other day. i was asking a girlfriend of mine how she keeps track of all the 'outstandings' in her job. she has a lot of people that she has to rely on to get back to her in order for her to proceed with things.

she said when she has her quiet time in the mornings, she prays over whatever is outstanding.

it really took me back. it was like hearing something you've heard all your life, but for the first time it actually made sense. the reality of it was dawning on me, getting me really excited, and i had to process it. so i called jan.

and she said, oh yea! and told me about a friend of hers who used to pray every morning for God to "order my day". and every day she remembered to do that, her day was efficient and smooth and things got done. but if she happened to forget her day would be chaotic, things would slip through the cracks, etc.

had everyone knew this elemental truth but me? i felt silly - such a simple and seemingly obvious thing had never even occurred to me! i was floored by the revelation!

i went home and wrote "order my day" across the bathroom mirror to remind me to seek God every morning on all matters of my day. all of them!

for such a time as this

reading in esther this morning and i am struck by how much haman wants to feel important. after esther's first feast in chapter 5, he goes home to speak of how many sons he had, his riches and promotions and the favor he's found with the king, and how even esther invited only he and the king to her banquet. he needed to be seen as important.

i know that well.

and yet, with all of these thigs, he still allowed mordecai to be a cockleburr in his saddle (i'm sure they used that phrase even then). it tore him up that he wouldn't tremble before him.

he wanted mordecai to recognize his importance and to fear him for it.

but mordecai has his head on straight and refused to bow before any but his God.

priorities.

Father, i pray for priorities. i ask, Lord, that you provide me the wisdom to know when i am to submit and when i am to stand up and fight. i am at your feet. please keep me there. do not let me wander as i am so prone to do.

Lord.. with all the changes going on at work, at church, i ask You to give us guidance and a heart to do what is good and pleasing in Your sight. to do what it is You have designed us to do. whether it looks important to others or not. just that we may serve You - that is our goal.

please forgive me for the many times i've sought the praise of men over your own. please forgive me and teach me, humble me, to seek only to please you. to recognize only your praise. that the praise of men would appear to me as empty and meaningless when aimed at me, and that it rightfully belongs to You.

thank you for the story of esther. her obedience for the law and for her cousin, as well as her passion for her people and for what is right, they are a great lesson and comfort to me. please give me insight to whatever treasures You may have for me in Your Word.

thank you for giving me such freedom to read the bible in the open, that i do not have to hide my faith. with such freedom, why do i not wear it on my sleeve everywhere i go? why isn't it on my tongue in all my conversations?

please give me boldness. please remind me, constantly, that i am Yours and how far You have reached into the pit to save me.

thank You for Your son, thank You for Your spirit. may i never forget. never forget.

i ask Lord, that You order my day. give me my priorities, lay it out for me as You desire. and give me Your energy, Your intellect, Your creativity to carry them out. in Your name and for Your glory.