missionally minded

i was reading this morning about abraham - how he was going to sacrifice his son, how his wife died and he purchased a tomb for her burial, and how he sent his servant to bring back a wife for isaac from his father's house.

and the thing that stuck with me the most this time was that after his wife died, he went to the city gate to walk through the steps of buying of a tomb. i guess in that day it was normal to go through the ping pong tournament of "i'd like to buy your property", "no no you take it", "no i want to pay you for it", "no really i insist just take it", "what do i owe you for it?", "i don't want you to pay me fifty bucks even though that's what it's worth", "ok here is fifty bucks. thank you and good day".

seriously? that was how it was done? i'm all the more grateful for craigslist.

yes. apparently that was how it was done. and abraham was willing to take the time and do it the way it was done even though his heart must have been grieving during the entire barter. it must have been one of the hardest times in his life!.. but he still acted appropriately, did what was right.

we know he was far away from his family - he is called a sojourner in the land where he lived. which is why his servant had to take a journey in order to find a wife for his son among abraham's father's house. abraham was far from home.

he lived among people who were not israelites. they were not God's chosen people. in other words - they did not have God.

why it sure sounds a lot like abraham was a missionary, doesn't it? a godly man, far from home, living in the land of people who do not have God. and in his dealings with them, he is appropriate and fair. he doesn't take advantage of any generosity, but rather does what is right and good. even in their eyes.

i wonder if any of them thought, "who is this man? he seems different. he is clearly under duress. i mean he's buying a tomb for goodness' sake. and for his wife?.. why isn't he just taking the property? why does he insist on doing this the right way? what is it that is so different in him that causes him to act so... hmm.. i guess he would call it 'godly'. but who is this God that could enable this? who is this God that can carry him through pain to still act in an upright and fair way among us whom he has no kin. we are but strangers to him. why would he care for us? is his God like this, too? could his God care for us as well? i want to know more about his God."

we are all living in a mission field and every circumstance can produce occasion to act honorable for the sake of bringing attention and honor to God. every dealing with others can result in a seed being planted or watered or cultivated. life is a splattering of such opportunities. i guess the question is, will we obey? or will we soil God's reputation simply by being associated with us?

may we act honorable and justly and giving all due credit to our God! and may others notice a changed life in us enough to desire it for themselves.

sitting on the bench

this is dedicated to my dear cousin who is in the thick of ministry but sometimes feeling benched.
and to my fan club.

i have some very sweet kids who have been loving on me for quite some time. and i remember when they first started, er.. flocking to me. i’ve always been somewhat of a kid magnet, but when i was serving in REVO (a worship venue at mckinney fellowship), i suddenly found myself surrounded by an entire troupe of shorty mcshort shorts.

at the time i was in charge of a lot of setup for the venue. we had to physically transform the gym into ‘church’, prepare the lyrics, set up stations for interactive worship elements, greet and put to work volunteers, prepare communion, etc. there was a lot to be done on a sunday morning and i usually found myself running ragged until the last possible moment before the doors opened. i would exhaust myself so, that by around 1:30 or 2:00 when we finally had everything put back in its place i was fit only for food and sleep. usually in that order. sometimes not. i wore myself plumb out on sundays.

it was during these chaotic preparations that i would be bombarded with these kids wanting hugs and attention and direction on how they could help. and they would clamor to be the most important one - the special one. my favorite. they insisted on having name tags made that said “assistant to trace” or something like that and when i gave them a task they would race off to see who could reach the finish line first and be The One to follow my orders. i was even delighted, and a little embarrassed, to learn that some of them had created a trace fan club complete with rules and a theme song. oh dear!

with such demands for my attention there were times when it was incredibly difficult to get my job done. sometimes i felt i put more effort into giving them little tasks and reminding them that they all dear to me in exactly the same amounts than i did setting up stations and preparing the lyrics. and somewhere in the middle of those occasional frustrations i remembered paul.

i was in the middle of a study of colossians so it was fresh on my mind at the time. however now that it’s been a few years... well, you get the idea. if memory serves, paul was either in rome (or on his way) to preach the good news - the gospel of Jesus Christ. it was an important mission, indeed. what is greater than sharing life to the dead and shining light in the darkness? but he wound up in prison. and as much of an example of joy in the midst of trials as he was, surely there must have been a few moments where he sat in chains thinking, “i should be out there telling others about Christ! Lord- why am i here when you’ve such great and important work for me that you called me to.. out there!?”

and i have imagined God’s response being something like this:

paul. you know i have called you to great and important work. i placed you on the path to rome and have given you the very words to speak. but right now i have another great and important work for you, and i have slowed you down and given you time of quiet contemplation in order for you to do it.

i want you to send a letter to some of my dearly beloved children. they need encouragement. they need support. and i’ve chosen you to be the one to do it.

i know this isn’t the best of accommodations, but i’ve chosen these surroundings because you needed to get out of the rush of life in rome to concentrate on caring for this church who needs you. and for the record, there is a prison guard that i want you to show my love to while you are here.

i think paul must have felt like he was ‘in the game’ in rome. he was ‘bringing it.’ but then he was plopped in jail and it had to feel like he was taken out of the game and had landed on the bench.

but God’s desire was not for him to ‘sit this one out’. rather, the task he had in mind for paul would wind up in the greatest selling book of all time to encourage generations of believers, not just the church he was writing to. in fact, when you look at it that way, kinda seems like maybe that might be what he went to rome for, you think? like maybe God called him to prison but that he wanted him to get there by way of rome.

here i had been frustrated with these kids who were keeping me from doing my job, reaching my rome, when really God was asking me to spend time with these kids because they would take my words and carry them with them for the rest of their lives, possibly spreading them further out as they go.

perhaps my job wasn’t even really the venue. maybe my job was these kids but that God wanted me to reach them by way of the venue. by letting them help and run to the fridge for communion juice.

when i gave attention and care to these kids i wasn’t being distracted from the real work. i was doing it. i was being Christ to these kids.

this is meant to be an encouragement to anyone who feels like they have spent time on the bench waiting to get back in the game. because perhaps God himself has called you to that very bench for a specific purpose. and it might even be that the bench is the reason he even had you in game at all. consider that when you find yourself spinning your wheels.

please don’t throw your hands up in the air and call it quits. it may just be getting started! instead raise your hands up, open them, and say “whatever you’ve got for me... i’m in.”

my hearts prayer

father - i know, like job, i might be tempted to 'reprove' my friends when they admonish me; out of fear of appearing undignified, of feeling mocked.

what would turn counsel of friends into mockery? and unhumbled heart. me seeking me.

may i not seek self, but may i seek you and you alone.

may my humanness, my self-centered ways, be carved out of me and may they not thwart the mission to reach out to people who are dying and hellbound because they do not know you.

may i get out of the way and into the call of your mission.

please forgive me my rebellion and may i desire you and seek you with my whole heart and all of my might.

please change me. give me a heart - your heart - for the lost, the hurting, the dying.

i love you. please help me to love you.

if only...

today's scripture reading was job 6-9.

job's friends accused him of sin. that is how he was in the predicament he was in - he had sinned.

but we know the truth because we are privy to a window into conversations that occurred in heaven between the Lord and satan. we know that satan was given free reign to torment job so that God could show satan how job is upright and blameless.

job's friends didn't get to hear that conversation, so they are left to determine the cause of his suffering on their own. their conclusion? it's job's fault. and he needs to get right with God to restore all his wealth.

are we called to judge? are we called to accuse? are job's friends acting according to God's call on our lives? i would have to say no, we are not called to be accusers.

instead we are called to:
love our neighbors
care for others
serve as we have been called

then here's the really good part about the scripture. job cries out for a mediator. an arbitrator who can stand between him and God. how cool is that? he is realizing he needs Jesus before Jesus ever came to this earth! it's like job gets it, you know? he gets that even though he has been living right, he still cannot be judged by our holy God and be claimed innocent.

he cannot stand before our holy God! he needs Jesus.

man - if the rest of the world figured that one out...!

the heart of God

i'm reading in job right now and am trying to approach it as though i've never heard the story before in order to gain insight about it i've never had or view an 'old' insight through a new lens.

it struck me that job would get up early in the morning after their week of feasts and offer sacrifices on behalf of all his children in the event they had sinned or cursed God in their hearts.

what an act of sacrifice for his beloved ones. he loved them with the heart of God.

then in later chapters he is victim (yes! victim!) to all kinds of pain and evil: his children die, his servants die, his fields are destroyed, his livestock are gone, and then he is covered with a painful disease. and his friends decide to visit him to offer sympathy and to comfort him.

for a while they say nothing then finally one of his friends speaks up and first reproves him for not maintaining his integrity with God. then seems to assert that he is merely reaping what he has sown.

i know sometimes and in some circumstances that is wise council. but was it appropriate for job? if they felt he had sinned, why not do as job had done and offer sacrifices on his behalf? would it work that way or can only a parent do that for their children?

i'm not saying i know the answer, i'm just wondering out loud. because the scripture seems clear that by making offerings for his children, that is just what a man who is blameless and upright does for those he loves.

but his friends, they came to offer sympathy and comfort, not offerings and sacrifices. where is the heart of God for their friend job? perhaps their sacrifice was in leaving their homes and families to see their friend and stay awhile. that would sure be a sacrifice for me! but does it take care of the sins they think he may have committed to end up in this situation? are they willing to bear that penalty? i wonder.

today is day one of 21 days of prayer - an event at my church. the reading for today talked about praying for people who don't know Christ and desiring to gain God's heart for others. i didn't realize it at the time, but when i was honing in on who in job's story was acting out of a heart aligned with God or not, that it would have anything to do with the direction of prayer we would be taking today in 21DOP. i love it when God makes connections like that.

and so it is my prayer that i would gain God's heart - that his heart would beat within my own chest - and i would see others the way he would see them and love them with his love. and that i would be willing to go beyond offering sympathy and comfort (although they are important and coveted, i'm sure) but that i would be willing to go the extra mile and bring offerings and sacrifices on behalf of others. that i would travel whatever distance to get to someone who was in pain and that i would seek God for them, with them.

and that everything in my own life would point others to Christ.

i was also struck in job by the fact that things just happen in the heavenly realm we know nothing about and yet they can affect our lives. we may face challenges where our behavior through it is meant to be an example for the sons of God to witness. are we living up to those challenges? are we pointing to Christ even when whatever it is we treasure is being threatened? what if we lack sleep or food? would we praise the Almighty? what if every single one of our friends deserted us or died? would our hearts still burn for the Lord? what if our jobs, our family, our health were all... gone. would we still love and honor and worship God?

oh it is my prayer that we would. and that we would still love with the heart of God so that we bring others to love and honor and worship Him.

using resolve all the year-round

it's that time of year for people to make and share their new year's resolutions. i was asked, as usual, if i had any and i had to give them the long answer.

i am in a constant state of change (hopefully for the better). it is my goal to always be learning and growing and improving and seeking higher standards. i want to always be stepping heavenward. i am always striving to become less of me so that i may have more of Him.

all throughout the year and in all situations i am asking God to change me. i am always resolving to become the woman He has designed me to be, to be a better wife, to use my ears more than my mouth, to be kinder and gentler and to put others ahead of myself. i ask to have sensitive hearing so i can recognize the spirit's voice to lead me, i want the heart of Christ to beat within my own chest, and i long for the day when i can finally lay all of these struggles down and simply revel in the presence of The One i love most of all: my Creator, my Redeemer, my Master and my Friend.

because of this, i don't think that one day out of 365 is any better a day than the next to become a better person. my resolve renews nearly daily, sometimes hourly. why wait so long between re-committing your heart to God's desires for you?

soo.... having said that [as i step down from my soap box] i will clue you in to the top resolves that i carry with me into this exciting new decade.

be second
my oh my oh my but those two little words carry immense weight. it is so hard to bite my tongue when i know i'm right, but being second means not showing off how much i know or how little others ...don't. it is trying to not step in when i can do something better than someone else, but being second means allowing someone else the learning experience, your encouragement and a safe environment to mess up in. it is painful to leave the comfort of my favorite ____ [fill in the blank] so someone else can enjoy the comfort or favorite or the best or the most. and it is so not fun to leave my lovely sleep to get up early and spend time with The One who is rightfully first, the Alpha. i want to lay all of my preferences and comforts and "but"s down at Christ's feet so that others can have theirs and so i may in some way connect with them and love them with the love of Jesus and point the way to eternal life and amazing love.

be a better wife
this one has a lot to do with the first one because when i am second, i treat my husband nicer, kinder, more loving, and i do things for him that he didn't ask me to do, and i seek for ways to show him that i am thinking of him... all when i am tired or hungry or sore or busy. but not just that. i want to constantly lift him up to the Father, to claim blessing and righteousness for him on his behalf. i want to show my absolute adoration for God through the way i treat my husband.

let others in
in order for people to know what Christ has done for me, they need to know the before to truly appreciate the after. i need to let people see the mistakes and the failures and grime so they can understand how much cleansing and healing and grace God has given me. there is no other way to show someone a changed life if you do not let them into that life, tool around in it, poke it, test it, peel it and boil it down to what it really and truly is. i want to be able to let people so in that they can tell my own story as if it's they watched it happen before their very eyes.

write more
not just blog here, although that, too. i am always thinking of things to say (hah - refer to first item where i need to use my ears more than my mouth) but i don't usually take the time to blog it. a shame really. but i also want to spend more time on my writing - doing spoken or written word, poetry, inspirational pieces. i loved doing the scripts for the 'i am second' series we did at mckinney fellowship. i ended up spending a lot of time in prayer and research putting them together resulting in some incredible worshipful times for me. yes, i definitely want to spend more time on that!

follow the spirit's leading
i want to be able to hear God's voice so well that i am confident of whose it is the moment i hear it. and that i would honor and love Him so much that i would drop my plans, change my direction, abort my mission if it differed any from what i was being asked to do. i want to follow Him even if it makes no sense to me, or my family thinks i'm crazy (i'm sorry - how is that different from things now?), or everyone is giving me warnings or threats that i'm ruining my life. i know my Lord knows best and i want to lay every intuition and logic behind me if it sways me from where He is and where He wants me to go. i guess this really should be captioned "follow the spirit's leading no matter the cost."

shut up and listen
refer once again to the first item where i mentioned using my ears more. but because my head is thick i felt this deserved another mention. 'nuff said. cause i'm listening now. sshh!

that's about it for now. my constant resolves. i pray over them and seek to live them. all throughout the year.

btw - the short answer is "no".