after returning from uganda, i had an opportunity to share with the wonderful staff i get to work with about the trip. i knew i'd lose focus if i didn't have it written down, so i prepared it ahead of time. this is what i said:
first - i have greetings to give you, from the village of hope headmaster, the teachers and the rest of the staff, as well as the children. they all wished me to carry their greetings back to you.
the most difficult question for me to answer that i've already heard over and over is "how was it?" because that question cannot be answered quickly, lightly or most times without tears. this trip moved me. but then, how could it not?
the best way i've been able to sum it up for those fly-by questions is to simply say, "it was a God-encounter."
and it was.
his timing was impeccable. [this is where i explained what has been going on with the village. you may ask me about it personally but i won't be posting it here. thanks for understanding.]
so.. all of this going on while we were there, the children knowing and fearing the inevitable return to wherever 'home' would be for three weeks, we were able to help distract them with bible stories, games which they called "many funs" and a lot of songs, hugs, kisses and love. we also provided some much needed ESL classes. the children speak and mostly learn in the classroom by their native language, acholi. but their exams are all in english. imagine the difficulty.
so the timing of us being there and pouring ourselves into them was, apparently, just what they needed. God is good.
our team was amazing. we had bonded so neatly and tightly before we had even left that i felt like we were truly family. we were the embodiment of the concept of the body of Christ. where one of us lacked, the other had a strength. there were no quarrels, no conflicts, no feelings hurt. we were a single unit with a single focus. i've never experienced that before.
we laughed with each other. sometimes we laughed at each other. like when amy wondered why her chicken tasted so funny until she realized she ordered fish. and then she declared it good. the chicken and fish were in gulu. once on the land, it was pretty much beans N rice. a lot of people have wondered if i got sick of eating that every day or if i minded the lack of "certain facilities."
i did not mind the squatty potties. i didn't mind taking a bucket bath even if the water was cold. i didn't mind beans N rice for lunch and dinner every single day, i simply didn't tire of it. the one thing i missed and began to yearn for was to climb into bed with clean feet.
two of many learnings for me over there:
i was born american for a reason. i was born into this package of 'the challenge of more stuff', the drive for power, looking out for number one, the many benefits and freedoms. that package is the one God chose to bring me into and raise me up in. there is a reason for that and i want to use it the way God intended. i'm praying that God will use me in the package he gave me to serve him and give him all that he created me for. whatever that looks like.
the other thing i learned, or am learning, and this is a hard one for me, is that my time was probably the greatest gift i brought with me to give to them. just about at every turn we were being thanked for coming over and spending time with the children. and i just felt like it was a culture thing, being excessively thanked like that. i had a hard time grasping that truly the best thing we could do for these kids is spend time w/them.
they have been shunned by whatever relatives they have left, shunned by their communities, shunned by their villages.... after experiencing so much rejection like that, over and over... imagine then having someone you don't even know being willing spend time and money to travel across the globe to just walk with you to the well and sing songs about the Lord with you? imagine the value that you would begin to feel again. imagine starting to see how big God's love is for you, that he provide this team of strangers to love you and hug on you and tell you stories about God,... not just through their lessons in the classroom but also in the way they behave toward you and seem to just love you no matter why you have been rejected in the past? imagine.
and as i was just starting to get this into my big fat head, i was hearkened back to a sermon my dad preached when i was a child, it was titled "love is spelled t-i-m-e".
so, i am beginning to learn the value of time, and i pray i will become generous with it.
the girls that i connected so well with were about high school age [jon ewton if you are looking to multiply FUEL and add another campus, i have some suggestions]. they kept asking for me to sing songs and to write them in their notebooks we gave them.
i had sang every song i could think of and at the bottom of my song reservoir, upon more requests for a new one, all i could come up with was the one that goes.
oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang
they loved it. and wanted me to sing it for them over and over, while they tried to sing it as well, and count the words on their hands. i jokingly asked them what it meant and they stared at me. i told them the words were just sounds and didn't mean anything.
and so, it appears i traveled across the globe to pour my heart and time into these kids to teach them a song about nothing.
uganda, debrief
uganda, day 10
breakfast and then down to the chapel for worship in song, scripture readings, a message, and encouragements from whomever wishes to speak.
we had thought that a few days prior we would be offering an encouragement to the kids, so i had something prepared in my other notebook. at the last minute, i'd torn it out and taken it with me to church. i'm glad i did, for my dear husband, when he moved to the front of the room to speak into the children's hearts, he called me up with him.
"trace and i don't have any kids at home," jon said, "but when we leave here, we will have 67 children." the kids and teachers smiled and applauded. jon got choked up. i almost lost it.
i opened my notes and informed the children that jon and i had written a blessing for them. as headmaster richard translated, i read,
grace, mercy and peace
from God the Father and Christ Jesus our Lord
we want to say to you that wherever you are that God is with you
we want to say to you that whatever you do the Father will give you power and strength
we want to say to you that whoever you befriend to preach the gospel
in the morning when your eyes open praise His holy name
in the evening when your head is set to rest give all the glory to God
in all that you do and through the day love the Lord your God
and we want to say to you that our Father in heaven knows you. he knows your name. and he loves with a love that has no end.
grace be with you.
it really was all i could do not to cry. but i made it!!
after services, any many more hugs and kisses and lovin's, the kids went back up to the change their clothes and prepare to leave. two vans had arrived and we still awaited a third.
we went up to send them off with embraces and smiles and songs. our hearts were torn in two on the inside, but on the outside we tried our best to conceal it. hugging and singing and holding hands, we waited for everything to be loaded and the kids to be piled into the vans, like sardines in a can. a sweltering can.
i held little nancy's hand and many many other's. as vicky reached for my hand, i saw tears forming in her eyes. this young lady, who at the beginning of our time at the village would barely speak or even look at us, was so sad to leave that she went against everything she was taught to survive and teared up. oh how sweet and fragrant those tears! for they not only meant sadness to leave the village, and perhaps sadness to leave new friends, but also openness, healing, passion, feeling, a part of her coming back to life after so much horror and fright from the LRA. those tears meant a new beginning, a new kind of life where she can have thoughts and feelings of her own and have that be ok.
it was time for them to go and we watched the vans leave the village carrying with them our hearts with these children. "take care of them, Father. they are precious."
once the vans were out of sight, i turned to debbie and we hugged. some tears came out, and i almost broke down. but i didn't. it was all i could do to maintain my composure.
but i knew God was with them. they were even singing praises to him, squished together in the van... they just sang! a few days prior during one of their morning prayer times, a few of us on our team that were present got to say a few words to the kids. i told them that the 'salvation bracelets' we made together weren't just for them to remember their journey in Christ, but was also for them to share with others. that they could use them to tell others about how to find Jesus Christ and about how he has saved them and pours his love out to them and that anyone could have this saving and loving.
and so it wasn't just children in that van heading out for three weeks to wherever home can possibly be for an orphan, but that they were also disciples of Jesus and they were being sent to spread the good news of the gospel to all who has ears to hear. how precious are their feet who carry such good news!
God speed, sweet children. my prayers pour over you!
uganda, day 9
prayers. singing. laughing. bonding. loving. giving. being.
the children are my heart's delight and i seek to fill every moment of my day with their hugs and smiles and closeness.
with rose's direction we fill food bags for each child to take home with them during their school holiday. the bags contain rice, beans, flour and sugar.
we work tirelessly as it is our joy to provide for these children in whatever we can.
i join some of the gals in the chapel for worship rehearsal. the children get to choose the songs and determine which order they will be in. it is amazing to watch the unity and giving nature of these kids.
then we practice the songs and i learn some of their acholi lyrics. ipore rwot ipore - the Lord is worthy, worthy of praise! in keni, yesu, in keni - you are the one, true God.
the kids gather at our camp and we pose for photos and then look at them, pose, look, pose, look. i'm just enjoying being surrounded by the children. their openness to each of us is unequaled as of yet in my lifetime.
goodnights, hugs, kisses. for tomorrow is church. and tomorrow is the day they return to the camps or relatives for a 3 week holiday from school. the difficulty of this transition is apparent on some of their faces, regardless of their attempts at brevity.
uganda, day 8
end of school term ceremonies
headmaster richard, teachers, nurse and dave spoke words of encouragement to the children, with sidenotes of thanks to us.
then the kids danced, judith took me to dance the one dance that cindy likes so much. it is a bonding dance between two women friends.
jon also did a dance. judith selected him as her husband and he indicated he was pleased with her dance. i believe he is married now. heeh.
the kids got to drink a soda and have a package of bisquits (cookies). what little they have!!
they honored us with big chairs and getting served refreshments first (thank you joyce and vicky).
we believed that the children would not be having prayer that night, but really the case was that they wouldn't be having it at the schoolhouse. i was almost in bed when i heard children's voices. i went outside to hear it better, standing in my pj's. amy asked if i wanted to go to the kids houses and sit outside and listen to them. YES!!
we walked up and sat on the edge of the first porch we came to. we saw boys playing in the dark. one of them tried to scare us. hah. then two figures meandered near. "you are welcome," i said and my dear nancy approached. in the barely audible voice that i've come to know and love, i was invited to prayer.
it was muggy and barely lit in the room. only one oil lantern. but the room was filled to overflowing with children. no mats, no honorable seats for the visitors, just all of us jumping, singing, praising, praying.
a voice during prayer was growling and dark, it was earnest and as loud as i've ever heard their voices get. was this my nancy? with the voice so gentle i have to put my ear to her mouth to hear? was this her, crying out to God with the pain in her voice practically visible in that dim room?
ended prayers with "we are one family", many hugs and kisses and goodnights and tomorrows.
uganda, day 7
the days begin to blend. i've stopped referring to days by dates but rather by an event that happens within it.
cindy led the devotional this morning. what she has done for these children is nothing short of a miracle. how does she leave each time?
stella and some others came to her hut to say goodbye. or rather to appeal to her to come back sooner than the 5 weeks she had already communicated. "1 week" is all stella would say. aside from "i miss you."
after program, the kids went back for lunch. i meandered over there myself after eating lunch with the team.
watched gloria iron for a while. patricia sitting patiently by as she waited for her turn.
some of the older girls were taking jugs to the well and took my hand as they went by. so... uh... i went. we sang walking there - them wanting to learn our songs. once there, we stood under a tree while the younger kids drew water and filled the jugs.
they made a place for me to sit (always thinking of others!) and asked for a story and for me to teach them more songs. they quizzed me on acholi words and taught me on their songs. i loved it! they made me sing it by myself.
they sang to me and called me mama trace. i, of course, being ever the stoic, cried.
"don't cry," i heard from the gentlest voices.
then i happened upon a winning song that i pulled from the recesses of my brain as i was fresh out of ideas. they absolutely loved it, singing it over and over, and counting the words on their fingers.
oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang
oo ee oo ah ah
ting tang walla walla bing bang
it was wonderful to connect with these older girls.
earlier when a group of us were sitting in a circle on the grass, they wanted a story. i told them about meeting jon. but then i also told them about my dad baptizing me but that now he is in heaven. i cried. i think perhaps that softened their hearts to me.
one or two of them would walk holding my hand as we returned to their houses. after that afternoon, we were often found walking together.
after lunch the kids said goodbye to cindy, chris and maddie.
uganda, day 6
awoke at first light, took my journal close to the kid's rooms. heard them singing about what is to be found in the blood of the Lord: wisdom, knowledge, healing, power, forgiveness, protection, praise, care, cleanses.
went over to one of the houses and sat in the back where the 'stove' is. talked with the house mom and some of the kids. they were teaching me more words.
a rooster cock-a-doodle-do'ed right behind me making me jump a little. i turned around and said to it, "i como ber." they laughed at me. i will probably be forever remembered as the white girl who says good morning to roosters.
later i was singing with the kids. i was trying to learn their songs, but they kept interrupting with the jungle song. fine. we'll sing the jungle song. over and over and over again.
then they went into school and we ventured to the nile and got 3 canoes to take all of us across and back.
at one point in the back of the truck, i saw a field full of papyrus plants.
little kids running, smiling, waving just for us. one little boy ran and waved with both hands. too bad he needed one of those hands to keep his pants up. oops.
lots of time in the classroom. taught about being born again. made butterflies.
nancy is so gentle - they all are! but she is quieter than most. her look finds me at every turn and i am a moth to her flame.
they all ask us to write notes or our names or song lyrics in their notebooks. i must be ready to write a lot tomorrow. listening to david crowder band in preparation.
bought some tie dye and asunta tied one of them on my head.
also, tonight we danced. robert owns me as he now has footage of me picking out an african husband.
i also danced with judith, my african sister. she knows amazing grace. i think i'd like to send her a hymnal.
singing prayers and then hugging and kissing and saying goodnight over and over is fabulous. i am theirs!
uganda, day 5
the sound of their prayers - buzzing, alighting the air, en masse, i wonder how it smells to God?
their sincerity in worship is a big, fat lesson to us comfortable christians for their hearts are poured out and surrendered to Christ. it is what they can cling to.
the kids loved looking at my photos. one of them wanted the book but i told her she could have one. others took one as well.
our ESL/crafts felt scattered, but they enjoyed it. especially the jungle song.
at prayer again. ah-maz-ing. their worship is true, heartfelt, real, raw, from their depth.
more hugs and goodnights.
uganda, day 4
on the drive to village of hope, we stopped so rose could buy some chickens. that woman was in command! they loaded several live chickens into a box and put the box on the roof of the van. and we toted those chickens to the village to be used for dinner.
finally, we make it to the village. finally here.
the kids are in school when we arrive so we get into our huts, get a brief tour of the grounds and have lunch. the children walked through the camp on the way up to their houses. we shook hands and smiled.
they changed out of their uniforms and we joined them on the playing field. most boys played football. most girls blew bubbles we brought.
eventually we started a game of ball - when we threw it to someone we had to say their name. a great way to learn their names... repetition!
brenda picked up on our names right away!
then a game of football started and we had to move to the side. a bunch of us just sat in the grass beyond one of the goals. all the other gals on my team have wonderfully braidable hair. so while they were undergoing their salon styling, i sat looking on. until finally i heard this gentle whisper voice. "oom"
little nancy had settled beside me and decided to start teaching me acholi. i was left unbraided, but pelted with acholi words. and i loved it!
they would laugh at me saying the word for neck. it wasn't until the very last day when i finally received the nod indicating i'd said it right.
vicky knew a lot of english.
it grew dark and we shook hands to say goodnight. the kids went up to their houses and we gathered around a campfire for dinner and to share stories.
later the kids began to tromp down again to the schoolhouse for evening prayer. cindy let us go with them.
in the classroom, we helped them read english, they taught us acholi. then they prayed. or sang. or both. it's the same thing!!
"i will no more suffer"
we got to introduce ourselves and point to our state on the U.S. map. they blessed us and welcomed us.
then we sang. it was a song we would sing at the end of every prayer time together, "we are one family, we are one family, we are one family, in Jesus' name."
this time we got some hugs instead of just handshakes. we walked back to the camp singing that song. i am pretty sure i fell asleep with a smile on my face.
uganda, day 3
sunday. we attended an english-speaking african church. found out later that the pastor is rose's cousin. seriously, who isn't related to rose?
after the message one of the elders got up and talked about how ugandans need to lift up uganda and that they were born ugandan for a reason and to step up and do what they can to make their country better. it dawned on me... if they are ugandan for a reason... i am american for a reason.
we got to take communion!! usually it falls on the first sunday of the month but for some reason they couldn't do it the week before. that was a treat getting to participate in that.
lunch was fish fillet with chips. amy thought her chicken tasted weird until she remembered she ordered fish. debbie blessed all of us during lunch with one thing she liked about each of us. neat.
changed out of our sunday clothes and went to another camp. this time i laid eyes on and absolutely fell in love with a girl in a turquoise dress. held some children. Father, let me love them as you do.
a woman interrupted our singing, running over yelling and dancing, hugging or shaking hands with us. the kids all laughed and eventually she was gently led away. she had been formerly abducted and her mouth had been cut leaving her with severe scars. they had also given her aids.
what do i do with that if i can't change it? how do i respond?
cuddled with many children.
leaving the camps gets harder and harder.
once back, those playing volleyball left. us ladies walked, shopped, bonded. we bought an avocado. the girl in the stall where we bought it kept giggling. i wonder if it was all she could manage in light of these muzungas buying fruit from her.
at dinner i could barely eat. my full heart became so big it squished my stomach into a tiny corner of me so that i could only put a few morsels in.
i journaled for a bit instead. tomorrow we go to the village of hope land.
a prayer...
my hands are so small but what they can do, may it be done in service of the one who made them and gave them their purpose.
please may i be an agent of change. may i help? may i?
i don't want to come here to be entertained or coddled, but may i carry God's love, God's truth and hope to those who are without it.
everything i am, all i'm from and am about, may it be used to its full for the kingdom of my Father.
whether i'm called american, woman, white, christian, bookworm, techie, weepy. one small girl.
may it all be used.
how do i fit into this mysterious puzzle, this challenge called uganda? what is my place with acholi children - dear orphans? they don't need some muzunga who's particular about her hair. they need safety and truth. protection. a future. parents. love.
they need God among them.
can i really be used to make that happen? is there a place for me in that puzzle? is it prayer? funding? or time, self, energy, relationship? is that in the picture?
how? what do you, Father, what from me? call me!! i will give it.
draw my spirit into you. let me abide in you, for that is my resting place. that is the source of my strength, my brevity, my call, my heart, my life.
who am i but your servant, Lord? call me. use me. claim me.
that girl - the one in the turquoise dress - she seized me. i am drawn into her and want with a kind of desperation her joy, her childhood, her success. may she know she is special and loved and unique and dear. may she look to you and say, you bless me with your love. you are the giver of life and all things good. it is you and you alone that sends kindness into the world. may she be captured by you, hope-fully devoted to you! give her you, Lord, all of you.
may the village of hope kids recognize your love in our smiles, your sacrifice and strength in our presence and embrace. may they see you in their presence through our goofy attempts to care and relate. may you and you alone receive the glory, the fame, the accolades.
guide my steps, my Father, teach me your voice, light each step.
i am yours, to do with and use as you wish.
uganda, day 2
staying at the hotel florida in gulu.
breakfast was a spanish omlette (if you ordered your eggs scrambled you didn't get served... right renee?), toast w/butter and jam, fresh banana, coffee and passion fruit juice.
the shower was a warm drizzle. but it was warm! it wasn't a separate little room like we are used to. it was simply a pipe along the wall of the small bathroom, then piped halfway across the ceiling and there was the shower head. the bathroom was the shower.
we had devotion as a team then loaded into the van. this time we had rose, asunta, jeff and charles, our skilled and fearless driver who literally crafted us into the first camp. we learned later that this camp was the only one where the village of hope beads are made.
as soon as the van door opened, connor and careenna were off playing with kids. they were just... gone.
on a tarp under a tree sat some older children beading necklaces. these were the village of hope kids. the camps contain all kinds of people, but only specific ones are cared for under the village of hope organization. rose is the one who finds the children, orphaned and usually a former abductee of the LRA. in some camps you could tell the difference between them and the others, by their countenance, their cleanliness.
feeling shy and unsure, i took off my flip flops and sit on the tarp next to a gal of about 14. her name is janet. quietly, she hands me a strand of the necklace she is making and shows me how to bead. before we left that day, we had made three necklaces together.
someone remarked how well the kids worked together and rose said it was because we were there. hmm... some things are global, i guess.
we asked their names and ages, but while answers were given, many ages are really unknown as are birthdates.
after a while, the kids gathered and sang to us. normally there are drums to accompany them but the kids with the drums were at a celebration so were unable to join us and provide a beat.
after their wonderful performance, we got up and sang two of our songs and introduced ourselves. rose had them repeat our names. she is so very good with the children.
mindee had found a friend that day - a baby girl with no diaper. she remained cradled in mindee's arms nearly the whole time we were there and cried when we left.
as soon as we boarded the van rose passed out a snack for all of us - a bag of potato crisps. as we pulled away, kids followed us out, smiling, waving, holding out their hand for our snack. asunta got onto them for asking for our food.
as we pulled away i felt like... i didn't do anything. i mean i listened and laughed and sat next to janet and made a point of saying goodbye to her. i gave them my time, but it didn't feel like enough.
headed to lunch at diana gardens. buffet style: rice, beans, mashed banana, posho, something that seemed like spinach but wasn't, potatoes. i had my second of what would turn out to be many stoneys. a ginger beer that i fell in love with.
before eating, i washed my hands. there was a huge bucket with a spigot at the bottom and some soap sitting on the top of it. that would be the kind of 'sinks' we would use for the whole of the trip. other than the baby wipes and purell, of course.
after lunch we went to the place they do the tie dye. the fabrics were beautiful! we take off our shoes and enter. the tiny room had tarp over the floor. it was hot. the smell of the dye and of the sweat and heat mixed to a delicious, heady aroma.
the women worked with practically no words. they knew what to do, they knew how to work with and around one another, it could be done with only the slightest amount of communication. silent camaraderie. with babies tied to their backs they tie, band or wrap fabric. then they bring in the water they've boiled outside, pour it into shallow bowls that contain dye and some powder.
as we were leaving i saw a pile of seeds on the other end of the porch. it was sim sim (sesame) and they were left there to dry in the sun.
onto the next camp. we were greeted by the village of hope kids singing to us before we got out of the van. then they moved into the middle of the huts and sang and danced around drummers. asunta asked if we wanted to dance with them. why not? so we joined.
my neck didn't move like theirs did. asunta was behind me and kept saying, move your neck like this. i didn't know what like this was, but it apparently never made it over to me.
a few songs were performed in rows and we sat and watched. the team leader helped the kids. they did a whole presentation of songs, memory verses and a drama "God is with me."
then they sat while we performed our two songs, introduced ourselves and presented a bible story. then they danced more while we sat and watched them. a child sat in my lap. aww. :)
as we left, they shook our hands and bowed slightly. they kept waving and waving.
back at hotel florida, halft of us went with asunta to play volleyball (she is on a team and plays nightly). the rest of us (debbi, renee, chris, mindee and me) walked around gulu. we stopped in at the internet cafe but since the connection was very slow we opted to come back later.
sat outside the hotel for a while taking in the city, the smells, the sights, and journaled. it rained.
i mentioned to chris how i'd felt about not doing anything. she said that just us being there with a kid on my lap or singing to them was a blessing to them. i scratched my head. did not compute.
uganda, day 1
room for them all
if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your gloom be as the noonday. isaiah 58:10.
every time i turn around i am hearing or singing or reading about caring for others as a service to God. that his love is so abounding and so great that when you are the donor of it then you cannot help yourself but to spend yourself to give it to others. these thoughts, and our trip to the village of hope in uganda where we will care for and love on orphans, is beginning to transform me. it's reached right down into me, into my inner parts, and is starting to change me. because this is what i dreamed last night:
we had a family living with us (no surprise there, i guess), we also had a gal that worked for us in our house. this gal came to me to tell me there was a young woman at my door. she was a battered wife. and she had no place to stay. i invited her in and looked past her down the road and there three more.
my employee asked if they could all stay and i told her we would find room. we would find room for them all. so she went to get them settled.
later she found me in the kitchen and explained that the place that used to take in women who were battered had closed its doors for good. i became so grieved over this that i wept bitterly. "where will they go?"
i asked how these women had heard of us - how did they know we would take them in? i don't remember getting an answer but i knew i would find room for them all.
then a man came into the house and he was looking for one of the young ladies. i understood he was her husband. i told him he could not enter my house without my permission. he didn't budge at first - insisting on seeing his wife. i finally had to yell at him. scream to him to leave the house. when he finally did, i turned to my employee and said, "we have to find a safe place for these women." and so we decided to find some land to build a secure place where we would have room for them all.
we looked at a map and found where we lived. i pointed to our place and said, "it looks like we live on mission island." she said, "yes."
[isn't that funny? mission island?]
i told her we would travel to the main part of the island and find some land. we went 'downtown' and there was a mission there. then i was in a store with my mom and she pointed to some pencils because we wanted to purchase school supplies for the children, but i told her not to get those ones, "we can get them for less money somewhere else, and we will have more money left over for other things."
and so, it appears, that this trip and God's mission he has given us has been swirling about in my thoughts so much that i am even answering this call while i'm asleep.
when i woke up this morning and prayed, i asked God that i would wake up to his praise and that praising him would be so much on my heart that i would fall asleep with the utterance of it on my lips. and during worship today we sang a song about God's praise.
i want my life and my response to his call to simply be just one more song of praise of the God who has saved me and made me alive... truly alive. with this life you have given me, may i praise you.