ok so my last post (almost a month ago!) was essentially about the chaotonoy of christmas. i have been so consumed with everything christmas at work. it's been pretty crazy. today i worked a 14 hour day and i am whooped.
it started this morning at a creative meeting 8:30-11:00. creative. like, as in, brainstorming? and, you know, being creative. at 8:30. seriously! people who are in any way creative just don't function at 8:30 in the morning. it just isn't in their nature.
but here we are, downing coffee shots, trying to think out of the box when we've just barely gotten out of bed.
the 'drama' we did on the 16th is over, praise the Lord. and while it was a neat experience and i love working with anton directing, i just don't see that i can do that again. here i am in the middle of a heightened work season and trying to add rehearsals, memorization and extra stress on top of it all. nope. no more.
hmm.. hang on a minute, i think i can find something else to complain about. heh heh. sorry for the downer folks.
on a much lighter note, i had dinner with tha girls last night. it was good to spend some time with them and catch up on things. we've scheduled a sushi night mid-january already so we don't go so long without getting together again.
lying in bed, finally unwinding. think i'll check in on facebook and then catch some zzzzs. gotta haircut to get up for in the morning. ciao.
see? christmas! i told you!
december
december.
christmas. christmas services. christmas eve services. volunteers for christmas and christmas eve services. hospitality for volunteers for christmas and christmas eve services. christmas decorations. christmas stage sets. december series. december series responsibilities. anonymous angel gifts. family gifts. staff christmas party gifts. staff christmas party. dessert for staff christmas party.
december.
orange bulbs
i'm spending a rare moment alone at home. jon is playing with da boys over at a friend's house.. doin' techie stuff. i only have one thing on my agenda tonight and that's to write 5 or 6 lines of my testimony for a drama thing we're doing in december. until then i'm watching five peppers in trouble.
jon went over to moms last night to get some of our stuff from her garage to put back in ours. while he was there he also picked up a few things she had set aside for me. one of which was my birfday card!!
my birfday kind of got put off this year. at least temporarily. with all of us having gotten sick it just didn't seem right. we're going out for my dinner this sunday, though.
mom also gave me some orange bulbs for our christmas tree. when we get it set up it'll look smashing!!
i can't believe people are already decorating for christmas. it used to be they'd do it before thanksgiving. now it's happening before halloween. now, that's just wrong! nobody messes with my holiday and gets away with it. grr!
not at work but working
today is the last day i have to take my antibiotics. YAY! i celebrate not because i am getting better everyday i take them, but because they give me awful abdominal cramps. i find myself curled up in a ball, rubbing my tummy, and saying “ow. ow. ow.”
but truly i am glad to be getting better each day. it seems my energy hasn’t quite come back and that’s what i miss the most. i can almost handle not feeling well as long as i am still kind of myself.
once jon and i both are feeling better – we are going to celebrate my birfday with dinner (hopefully at maggiano’s), a movie (elizabeth the golden age) and possibly barnes & noble where i intend to spend some of my birfday money on a new book or two. yippee!
and we still need to have my family birfday dinner (i’ve already requested rockfish because of their jalapeno soup). every single one of us ended up getting at least a cold. my poor brother got walking pneumonia, too. so none of us have been up to any celebrating.
i am working from home today. i just heated up half of my leftover burrito from chipotle. ok, that’s another thing. i’ve been so just not feeling up to cooking or shopping. or laundry. or cleaning this filthy house. i feel like a louse and a slob and a slug. ugh. (that rhymed)
i like pei wei and chipotle and stuff. and i like not having to cook. but i do not like having to spend so much money on meals when we know we need to watch our spending. so.. ergh!!
it’s kinda cool working from home. i’m in my pjs and yet i’ve gotten a lot accomplished. probably more than i would have if i’d gone in because i have no distractions. cool!
if you’re working, then why are you blogging and heating up burritos? you may ask. i am on my lunch break so get over it.
i’ve been really into using library thing again (as you can tell on the column to the right). i used to use it eons ago and just got out of the habit because i wasn’t really reading much at the time.
the only thing it is lacking is being an application on facebook. i had posted a bookshelf application on there, but i’m not going to keep up with two database for what i’m reading and i quite prefer this one. please, facebook, add library thing as an app. for me. please.
oh,.. my facebook page is here. i think right now you have to be a facebooker to see profiles, though.
getting back to work...
walking pneumonia
i went to the doctor today after having a cough for 17 days and i found out i have walking pneumonia. well, that's a first. but i knew it had to be something, afterall i was just so rundown and felt kinda like a weakling for taking it easy when i didn't seem to have a fever or 'sick head'. you know 'sick head' - when you feel lousy and can't focus and stuff. i always feel like if my head is clear i should be working and going about things as usual. but, uh.. i guess that isn't the case.
so finding this news out kinda confirms for me that i wasn't feeling rundown for nothing. it is almost good news in a retarded kind of way.
jon was wondering if i was still going out with the friday doSomethings and i told him i'd better not. (i've googled walking pneumonia and found out it's contagious, and i'm supposed to be getting plenty of rest. by the way, i hate that phrase.) he sounded pretty disappointed which makes me feel like "i disappointed him".
truth was, though, that he was wanting to get me a birthday cake for the evening. aw.. so sweet. but i just really don't feel up to it. still. and yet, i still feel like i've disappointed him and everyone. i can't just let myself not be well. and now i think i know why. i don't like to disappoint.
and that's all i'm gonna say. because i've got some resting to do. heh.
ding dong
i was going to take a little nap this afternoon while waiting for jon to call me and say he's on his way home (so i could suggest he pick up pei wei for dinner!), and before i could drift off the doorbell rang.
i considered ignoring it. afterall, no one ever really comes by so it must be someone wanting to sell something.
after it rang again and someone knocked on the door, i went ahead and got up and answered it. there was a young gal at the door wanting to thank me for the haunted house yesterday because she had so much fun. in fact, she told a friend of hers at school today about it who thought it was so cool that she wants to come with her next year.
it was so thoughtful of this girl to come out of her way to give thanks. something i think can be quite lacking in most kids her age and in society in general. and so i praised her for coming and telling me. and i shut the door thinking - i'm glad i got up and answered it.
if you're out and about next halloween, apparently our neighborhood kids highly recommend our haunted house.
chaotony
i just changed the domain on this blog to "chaotony".. it's a word i made up that represents the monotony of chaos.
how often do you hear someone say, "i'm so busy", "we've been busy", "i would have... but i just got busy". life is chaotic. doesn't that just wear you down? don't you ever get tired of things being busy, chaotic, and rush rush rush?
THAT, my friend, is the monotony of chaos.
and so i welcome you to my daily life of chaotony. come in but don't stay too long, i'm sure we've both got somewhere to go very soon. but thanks for dropping in. come back anytime.
labor day!
slept in today. mmmm.. love that! i wish i could sleep in everyday.
got up. removed my eye 'bandages'. and got to work on the new office. we got a desk from the dousts in exchange for jon's recliner, so we put it in our front room (which on our floor plan is the dining room). jon had put the desk together already so this morning i moved my office stuff into it and then put the bookshelf into place and filled it.
then i moved my art stuff from the back room into my front room. i still have a lot of work to do in there but right now am just trying to get things into the right rooms.
in our guest room i sorted out all the stuff we want to sell at a garage sale, tidied up, and you can actually see the floor in there. also washed the sheets from the futon and put them away in the chest of drawers.
then i took a shower and woke up jon so we could go to B&Gs for a BBQ. bro was so pleased that he'd picked up a tuna steak for me but i didn't like it and felt horrible that i didn't like it. mom kind of picked on me a little about it saying how expensive they are to buy and i felt horribler. i felt like an ungrateful little brat when they just wanted to do something kind for me. and mom brought sushi rolls thinking i liked those. blech. but brian talked me into eating one of them and i liked it. the other one i didn't and had to spit it out.
i love that my family thinks of me and wants to get things for me that they thing i will like, and i just feel so awful when i don't like it. i tried to like the tuna, but i just couldn't.
we took the kids outside and played frisbee, nerf football, and some lacrosse-like thing. i was terrible at it but it was fun anyway.
then we came inside, they ate pie and i had some chips ahoy cookies while we watched freedom writers. awesome movie. jan did a great job recommending it!
now i'm at home getting laundry and dishes done so i can leave tomorrow morning for worship arts dept retreat. we'll be away 2 nights. i hope jan will be able to get rest. i feel like i've not done enough to help her with it.
well.. gotta put laundry in the dryer and do my eye drops. dr appt tomorrow at 8am!
a night with eric & teri
for the past few weeks i've been 'dealing' with eye issues.
i decided to have laser surgery on my eyes. it seemed a cost effective decision for me given that i pay for daily contacts. but due to excessively dry eyes, i've experienced some complications - stria in my left corneal flap resulting in having to relift it and smooth it down, punctum plugs in my tear ducts, restasis (a drop therapy to help my body produce more tears on its own). and now i've got a clear contact over my left lens to help it heal. i get it looked at on tuesday morning to determine if i can take it off or if i have to keep wearing it and how my eye is doing in general. what i thought would be an in-and-out procedure has been more of an ordeal.
having said that, i'm very happy with the treatment i've received from the carter eye center. they've taken very good care of me.
tonight we went to erik & teri's for dinner and to hang out. the boys spent a lot of time talking about their game. we spent a lot of time lamenting about the boys' game. it helps a little knowing i'm not the only one who deals with the stress of an addicted spouse, but it does not make it easier to deal with it. i get so frustrated sometimes that i hardly know what to do.
it has been good for my prayer life, i can at least give it that.
but we came home and he got on the computer. i'm going to bed alone. again.
then i brought up a terrible subject. i had no idea the tension it would cause when i simply asked, "do you guys get along with your in-laws?"
apprently, teri does not get along very well with erik's mom. and erik has declared he will no longer be the mediator. it was a much longer story than this, but that's all i will recount here. suffice it to say my MIL is a dreamboat in contrast. not that she's difficult at all, she's just not my mom. you know? we get partial to our own and aren't used to the way others treat their kids. but i have no butting heads, no control issues, no getting into our business to contend with. i don't have the stereotypical in-law r'ship that you hear about in the movies. yea God.
i wrote another piece today called string of pearls. it feels good to come up with things again - to see connections, to find the stories inside me. it feels really good.
wrestling in prayer
i am re-memorizing colossians. starting from the end this time - a technique one of my friends introduced me to so i thought i'd give it a try.
as i was committing the final greeting to memory i was struck by a phrase i read about how epaphrus was caring for his friends. paul said he was "wrestling in prayer" for them.
i thought it was a great picture of the commitment and fervor with which he approached the throne of God on their behalf. i immediately cried out to God - "if only!! if only i had someone to wrestle in prayer over me! Lord, i want that!"
and just as immediately i felt guilty that my first thought would be for myself and that i should be yearning to wrestle in prayer for others. so i sought to do just that!
later as i was heading home, working further down the same verse i was even more struck by what he wrestled in prayer about.. that they stand firm, mature and fully assured.
i'm going through a beth moore study (again) called believing God. and it is amazing! there is a five statement pledge of faith that she has us recite at the beginning of each video segment that goes like this:
1 God is who He says He is
2 God can do what He says He can do
3 i am who God says i am
4 i can do all things through Christ
5 God's word is alive and active in me
and my very dear friend is going through this with me.. my friend who is in dire need of believing who she is in Him. so it's been great knowing that as we progress along this study that she will become more assured of all of these things. and i've prayed over her, crying out for God to increase her faith and bring her closer to Him. asking Him to show her those promises she can claim and to give her the boldness to do so.
and it dawns on me. i've wrestled in prayer over her that she will stand firm, mature and fully assured. it's been in my heart and on my lips all along.
that's amazing!
don't you think that's amazing?
i'm dreaming again
i go through phases where my dreams are vibrant and detailed and poignant. i wake up remembering most of them, and carry the feelings from them with me throughout the day.
i can remember dreams i've had where i've made people laugh or were so colorful i remarked on it while i was in it! i had a dream last night where i yelled, which is unusual for me awake or asleep. i'm not a yeller. and i felt terrible about it when i did it. good. i shouldn't be yelling.
at one time i had a theory that we never dream about using the um.. uh.. potty. i was convinced of it because i had never remembered dreaming about it. not that i was complaining, mind you!! but eventually that theory got flushed. heh. sorry.
there have been a few times where my dad was in my dream and i woke up thinking how good it was to see him again.
a couple of years ago i wrote a novella and during the writing process i had a dream where i had a great idea and had actually written something. i woke up trying to remember what it was so i could use it and stopped short thinking - is it plagiarism if you steal your own work... even if you weren't awake when you wrote it? my subconscious gets to have all good ideas!
i went through a weird time in my life, during and just after college, where i was being sought after by nazis because either i was a jew, they thought i was a jew, or i was caring for jews in my home. in some of them i was even harmed. and in one i was killed and had an amazing heavenly experience.
and then once in a while, i'll have a dream where i will say something or do something that pleases God. or i'll get to witness to someone. or set an example in Christ's name. those are the best! i wake up elated that i got to live out the christian life even in my dreams!! that it permeates my life so much that it creeps into my subconscious. i'll take all that i can get!
i love dreams. they take me to places i could sometimes only dare to go, and yet they can ground me, make me somber and thoughtful, they can teach and challenge, they can set me free, they are hopeful and full of wonder.
i'm delighted to be dreaming again.
california
i was going to add some photos right from the get go, but am having trouble getting my dot's photo dvd to load on my computer. they will soon be on my facebook profile, though, so check back there for my favorite california photos.
there was 'weather' on the day before and the day of our trip out so a lot of flights had been cancelled. my dot and i spent an hour at the counter while a lady tried to find us something out of dallas. we told her it didn't even matter if we flew together if she could just get us out. so she finally found us two different routes out. my dot was to fly to santa ana, then to san jose. i was to fly to san francisco, then to santa ana (just missing my dot as he would get boarding as i was arriving), and then a flight to san jose arriving a little over an hour after my dot. we took them!
but once i got safely to san francisco, i politely declined the tickets for the rest of my flights and took bart to caltrain to a shuttle to the airport and then walked over to where i was meeting my aunt and her pilot (ok, that sounds really snobbish. but my uncle is getting his pilot's license and his instructor flew my aunt up to get us). then we waited about 2 hours for my dot, then we boarded the little plane and took off for paso robles, then drove over to the ranch. i felt like a scene right out of planes, trains and automobiles. and i was exhausted!
during our trip, i had a bridal shower for my cousin, showed my dot where i grew up, went to college and church, enjoyed farmer's market san luis style, went to several BBQs, climbed the rocks at the beach looking for sea critters, spent an afternoon at morro bay and then watched the sun set while surfers took their last rides on the waves, read 3 books, and bought sourdough bread and salt water taffy to bring home.
we also brought the kids rain sticks which resulted in my brother's claim that they would be the perfect toy to leave at my house! hmpfh - old fogey!
it was a wonderful trip, full of family and food and i'm looking forward to getting back there in september for my cousin's wedding.
a funny thing happened on my way to the checkout
so i'm at the supermarket today, waiting in line to be checked out, and i glanced over at the rags where i expected to see nothing out of the ordinary. but out of the corner of my eye, i happened upon a book, happily displaying its trademark yellow and black cover, "baby names for dummies".
and all i could picture was one of those infomercials, you know where they try to sell you a mop and go about to explain why their mop is better than any other mop by getting actors to portray just how difficult it is to use the "other" mops. they act like mopping is a backbreaking chore, that it makes you frustrated, sweaty, and your hair fall in your eyes. and they always give those big heave-ho-type sighs where they fill their cheeks with air and then blow it out in a big puff like they're the big bad wolf, lifting the hair that fell into their eyes just for a moment. but that's what mopping is like with the other mops. that's why you need our mop. it will practically wash your floors itself! and as you mop birds will fly all around you with pretty colored ribbons in their beaks while they chirp refrains of chopin.
i imagined a couple in a delivery room, the wife is going through terrible, sweaty, hair-in-your-eyes labor. the husband paces around heavily, deliberately, sweaty and backbreakingly. after much suffering and gnashing of teeth, a little form finally breaks out into the world. a baby. with a long loud cry.
and then a hush descends upon the room as the doctor weightily looks the baby over. the husband and wife collectively hold their breath, as they await the verdict.
but then, gloomily and with hair in his eyes, the doctor says, "i'm sorry folks. but your baby is.. a dummy".
announcer cuts in: "but don't worry, folks, because this couple was prepared! they purchased baby names for dummies and will be able to find a name for their little dummy quickly and easily. in fact, this baby can even name itself with this book!..."
the husband whips out the book with a wide-toothed smile, shares it with this wife who suddenly looks like a mabelline spokeswoman, the doctor joins in and sips a mocha while they peruse the perfect list of names for dummies. and birds flit into the delivery room trailing ribbon.
*******
during my brief shopping excursion i used a hand-basket to collect the goods i planned to purchase. when i got to the checkout, i set the basket on the conveyor. after scanning my items, the cashier handed my basket to the bagger who took it and put it out of the way.
i had to request just two bags or i would have ended up with an entire plastic tree's worth of bags with one to two items in each one.
after loading up my goods into my two bags, the bagger stood there holding them. he seemed surprised when i moved to take them from him. he said he was going to walk me to my car. i politely declined and reached for them again.
"they're heavy" he warned.
i know. i walked around with them in the hand basket you just put away.
*******
we have weaned people off the school of thought with an array of books for dummies and have lost the art of common sense.
now, this bagger could have been just having a blonde moment. we all have them, and i'm willing to extend grace. but it doesn't diminish the affliction that has cursed our generation, and potentially all of those that follow.
we've bought so many dummy books, that we have convinced ourselves that we're the subject in the title.
after i had a good laugh over my encounter. i sighed heavy for my generation. and wiped the hair out of my eyes.
will the fat lady ever sing?
i was reading over some of my older posts.. i like to do that from time to time.
and i was taken back to when we were fixing up my dot's house to try and sell while still not really living in mine (my brother and family were living with us for the first two months we were married, and we had two households' worth of furniture to try and squeeze into one house).
and i wanted desperately for things to calm down, for life to get simpler, so we could actually feel like the newlyweds we didn't get the pleasure of feeling like.
several months later, our house is once again in disarray (my sofa is in my kitchen) as we attempt to lay wood flooring down and paint the walls (one of which is a beeyooteefull orange!!). but in the meantime we are having to walk around things, feel displaced, and we are not feeling like newlyweds.
sigh. will it ever end?
i was hoping we'd have gotten done today. my dot worked all afternoon on cutting and nailing up the baseboards while i mowed and clipped all the bushes.
and we didn't get done. there are still a few baseboards to install, then we've got to putty the nail holes and caulk the edges. then we have to stain the transition pieces and install them. then we can clean the rest of the floors and move our living room back into our living room.
maybe next weekend? (didn't i just hear that this weekend? and last?)
sigh.
praying through my but
ok.. i have to start with a funny story about a friend of mine whose name i am not allowed to divulge or she will be a former friend of mine.
we were talking tonight about things that we're involved in, etc, and i asked her if she wanted to go through a particular Bible study with me when our joshua series is over and she said, "yes!, but..."
"but what?" i asked.
she said, "nothing. no but. i'm praying through my but".
hee hee. then she got all grossed out as the imagery settled in.
so i told her a story about our pastor who wanted to fast in preparation for an event. so he told his family that he was going to eat half of what he normally eats, so like imagine a plate full of food that he would usually eat, he is only going to eat half that amount and he called it a half-fast.
his kids thought that was particularly funny.
and earlier today i was in a discussion group where someone was talking about someone who was real chatty and he said it seems that she just talks to fill up space, but to me it sounded like he said she just talks to phillip space.
ba dum dump.
zebra striped friendship
i am beginning to open up more and more to having people come over to the house. part of it is that greyhound is no longer here. he made the house, um.. smell unappealing. another part is that i am slowly starting to get the living room in order. new orange sofa and settee, new coffee table, entertainment center, tiled shelf unit, and zebra striped vase. mom even got some zebra striped fabric to recover the ottoman she made me several christmases ago.
my dot and i also picked up some new flooring for the living room and hallways. we're hoping to have that done in a few weeks.
but anyway, it helps to make the place a little more visitor-friendly. so tonight i met with a dear friend of mine from church to get caught up over dinner, and ended up coming back to the house afterward. i showed her what we've done in the house so far and our plans for the rest of it.
my friend and i were talking about things that God has been doing in our lives lately. i was sharing with her about some stuff i've been learning in my beth moore study, about hearing how i need to let some things go so God can take me to the promiseland He has for me. He wants to take me, but i need to leave some things here that God says i can't take with me. and she seemed to surprised that i have things in my life that i would need to let go. it blows me away that she thinks i've got it together.
i've been very conscious lately about trying to be transparent so people will see that we all have the same struggles, we all have trials, we all go through phases where we need to let things go or be healed. i know there are people that i look up to and can tend to see that they have it together. but they're just like me. and i'm just like everyone else.
we all go through it. we all have low times. we all put on an 'i'm doing okay' face. we might be at different levels of spiritual maturity, be we all experience life! so i share stories of times i've cried or having misunderstandings or feelings of inadequacy or being stood up. i want her to know i'm just as human as the next guy, but that i have times - incredible times - when God works through me and i am handle a situation "ok".
it's important she recognize that it isn't me, but God doing it through me. i'm just the lucky vessel.
i prayed for her this weekend, that she would feel God's presence, truly feel it and know He is there. and tonight at dinner she shared with me that she has been experiencing God's presence. she relayed to me as reality exactly what my prayer for her has been. pretty cool, huh??
that God would hear a prayer from little ole me, and answer it for little ole her.
week five
another night of married couples' study.. it was pretty good. this past week we went over the role of a man as laid out in the timothys and titus and the role of a woman as laid out in proverbs 31 (ah yes, the perfect wife scripture. yup. that would be the one).
the study even warned us not to get caught up in getting down on ourselves in the areas where we just don't measure up. it's hard to not do that. but then we looked at the man's role, and whoowee! that's a toughie! i'm happy with prov31, thankyouverymuch!
there truly is a comfort in knowing i am not the head of this family. i don't have that responsibility. now, my dot may grant me authority over certain areas - and he does! and he may have me manage the house - and he does! but at least i am not responsible for the spiritual health and well-being of him as he is me.
and there is freedom in not usurping his authority. well, actually, it is not his authority i would be usurping. if Christ is his head and i try and rule over him, i am essentially taking over Christ's role in my husband's life. and Jesus is not tolerant of His authority being usurped! eek!!
but stepping back and letting go of that authority is so freeing. one can actually have the presence of mind to focus on better things - God's love and law.
i'm not trying to say that i try and control my dot, but i have lived alone for quite some time and there have been things that i am just used to doing for myself. and i know there are things that he is used to NOT doing - looking after someone, being responsible for someone,..
i think we've gotten into some habitual roles that we'll need to break, but i think the mindset of desiring to do so is definitely present! a start. small. but still a start.
yay for us.
connecting with cat
so i was in the bathtub today, destressing, when i looked up and saw cat, perched on the rim, watching me.
she's enamored with water. and bubbles. so a bubble bath seems to be near impossible for her to avoid. trust me.. it's not me nakkies that makes this event so attractive. although my dot would honorably disagree.
back to the tub. i noticed that she was watching my feet as i swirled them around and then my hands as i lifted them out of the water and then submerged them again. watching the motion, listening to the bubbles make little rice crispies sounds, taking it all in. and then she looked at me.
have you ever noticed that when you say "look at me", you really mean "look me in the eyes"? like.. women will tell a guy who is staring at her chest, "i'm up here". someone isn't really looking at you if they aren't looking in your eyes. that's when the connection happens.
so that's my point. cat looks me in the eyes. she doesn't look at my hand, the moving part that pets her and scratches her neck. she doesn't look at lap where she sits and lays and curls up in. and she doesn't look at my feet when i accidentally step on her tail (when it's right under me while i'm trying to cook! and then she acts shocked that i land on it). no, she looks at my face, looks right into my eyes.
she knows that's where the 'person' of me is. that's how we connect. she gazes up at me sometimes and gives me this total look of love. right into my eyes. because she knows that's where 'i' am.
the eyes really are the windows to the soul.
just ask my cat.
p.s. i'm wondering.. do blind people's pets look into their eyes, too? or do you think animals can tell if something is 'there' or not? i'm sure they at least focus on their face.
the stirring
tonight's conf kickoff was awesome!
we are doing a series on joshua at our church right now and about 2 weeks ago our pastor spoke of rahab. he talked about how joshua sent only two spies to scope out the scene, they met up with rahab, she was faithful to a God she didn't really know, and as a result her life and her family were spared certain death.
this book, called joshua, holds a story that isn't even about him as the name of it might suggest. nor is it about the israelites. or the land. or the city of jericho. it is about one, sinful prostitute.
God made certain events occur so that she might have life in Him. two warriors found themselves in the middle of God's plan to save rahab's life. the story is all about her. God cares that much!.. for her!
and for me.
tonight milton carroll, our keynote speaker, said something that pierced my heart. he said God loves me. just as i am. not who i'm supposed to be. and i choked on tears.
i was sitting in the tech booth, running lyrics and videos, but was at a point in the conf where i didn't have any responsibilities, so i went down to the front and knelt before my God and simply drank in His presence. i laid a bunch of junk down there, too. like pride. and doubt. and stress. and i felt so renewed and refreshed.
and i thanked God for putting together this whole conference. for me. so i could have that one moment with Him. i don't doubt for a single minute that He counts that as so important that He would fashion a conference around it. He would do it for me. and He would do it for you.
because He loves you. just as you are. not who you are supposed to be.
and can i just say... DOOD!
thank you for being big. and for loving me. and for the empty tomb.
milton carroll's church has the stirring, a church experience very similar but on a way bigger and advanced scale than REVO. i told my boss i think we outta take a field trip out there to experience it. she said that's in the works!
my tummy
my tummy says, this conference is a big deal and needs to run smoothly and we need to have a decent turnout and all of our volunteers need to show up and i have to get mediashout ready because the lyrics are all hosed right now and there are still a lot of goodie bag items that aren't finished and the rooms need to be set up for the presenters and lunch still has to be ordered and we need to keep track of the money box and i'm missing markers for the white board and flip chart and i've got mayabe 94 dozen things that still have to happen in a span of one little work day and everyone is counting on meeeeeeeeee!!
that's what my tummy says.
either that or i'm really hungry.
NTWAC.. make my tummy happy and come.
the orange setee
my dot and i have been able to get some new furniture lately. it's been so neat seeing the living room come together the way it has. and i feel that we have a look that is "us", especially with the addition of the entertainment center we just got. the wood work on it is something i felt my dot would really appreciate.
i'm especially lovin' the burnt orange sofa and setee. because.. well.. they're orange. and we're going to paint one of the walls in the room orange to balance it all out.
and very soon we will have wood flooring.
and after that we will have company.
it will be such a treat to be able to invite people over.. i cannot wait!!
i was thinking about all of the new stuff we have been able to get and it is so tempting to put it all on a pedastal and live our lives to keep it clean and in perfect condition. we can let it rule us as possessions tend to do. and so i am thankful for every little flaw in each piece we have. oh, i assure you i have noticed those flaws. but i am grateful for them, as they keep things in perspective for me. just like the crack in my windshield.
my "stuff" isn't pristine. it isn't perfect. it's already gotten wear and tear as "stuff" tends to get.
good! then i won't worry about it and tip-toe around it. i will use it as it is intended to be used. take good care of it. but i won't place it above my life and it will not rule me.
b'sides.. while the orange setee is cute and comfy.. my room in my Father's mansion has much cooler furniture! i'm holdin' out for the good stuff!
status qué
things i want to accomplish tomorrow on my day off:
sleep in
coffee w/g if she’s up for it
hit mctarget for a pair of pants i spied last time i was in there
try and find some socks. i’m wearing holes into all the ones i have
work on 2 days and another video of beth moore’s believing God
finish filing
check tax return status
it’ll be interesting having a day off in the middle of the week. and it’ll be another 10 days before i have another one, i just realized. hnh.
cat is wedged between me and my lovely new orange sofa. she has been so clingy since greyhound’s been gone. endearing that i am the one to whom she comes for comfort, but can be annoring when i’m trying to get something done.
endearingly annoring. like my cold feet, right my dot?
i’ve decided most folks are satisfied with the way things were. i say.. question it! does it have to be this way? can we make it better? how can we improve? qué?.. what?.. what can i do? what needs to be evaluated and what can be done to take it to the next level?
be bold enough to change, to question the way things were. give yourself permission to dare and dream and move the boundaries.
shuck the status quo and seize status qué!
happy birfday!
it's after 11:30 and i should really be sleeping. but i wanted to put a little something on here because today is a very special day. today is my dot's birfday. he turned 36. now we're the same age. [for another 9 months, that is].
we've been very excited about the house selling. our closing date was supposed to be tomorrow, but it got pushed back to this friday. minor in the long-run, so i'm not worried, just a littl extra money to come up with.
but it will soon be behind us and we will be able to recup it in money we aren't pouring into another mortgage. yay.
our church is doing a study on the book of joshua right now. we've got people on staff that actually write study guides for the different series our pastor preaches on. my dot and i are doing our studies independent of a lifegroup this time around and are using our lifegroups for (tue married couples) studying kay arthur's marriage without regrets and (fri do something) get together with people (mostly mis-fits who don't really fit into a lifegroup anywhere for one reason or another) and just 'do something'. we watch conference videos and discuss them, pray, and usually stay up chatting until around 2a or 3a. we've been having a great time getting to know this very special group of new friends.
the joshua study is called 'courageous faith'. very fitting since just in the first week we've read "be strong and courageous" four times in the first chapter. everyone has blue wristbands to wear that says courageous faith on them. in REVO we call ourselves the blue bracelet brigade. i can't wear them because my wrists are just too tiny. poop. i hate that. such an outsider sometimes.
i can fix it up if i wanna, but it would essentially turn a free bracelet into something costing me time and money to try and get it to fit. not sure if i want to go to all the trouble.
mm.. my feet are toasty warm under our electric blanket (with dual controls, i might add!!). shall snuggle in further and go nonnies.
happy birfday, my heart!
listed
THE HOUSE IS LISTED!
oh man, how can i ever recount here how that feels. to know this house is ready for a new home. those marathon saturdays were killing me. my back would be so bad after one of them that it took almost the whole week for it to feel better so i could go back the following saturday and do it all over again.
but no more. no more marathon saturdays.
we'll still have to go back and check on the house to make sure it is in good condition for the next showing. and, of course, there's that chance that when we're in escrow and it gets inspected that there will be some other things that will require fixing/replacing. but we'll jump off those bridges when we come to them.
for now i rejoice that it is ready for us to be rid of it and am enjoying the extra time it allows us.
for example, my dot and i are hanging out, eating candy and watching episodes of the sopranos. it just really doesn't get better than that!